Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I apologize for the long silence, kids, I was suffering from the mother of all colds. After much rest, plenty of liquids and tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches I feel like myself again, and the rage is boiling up. I will be doing a DB of the week tomorrow, as well as Friday, to make up for last week's.
First of all, Joey B's best friend Kim is here visiting us from lovely Southern California and we have whipped ourselves into a frenzy - watching the first and second season to get us ramped up for the bonus episodes of season three.
Last night we went out to Tank Sushi in Lincoln Square and then off to Sidetracks for Showtunes Monday. It was, as always, a wonderful time. Jason Fab joined us for drinks and we spent some time deciding what each of our signature musicals would be. I will not reveal the results, in order to protect the innocent... and the tone deaf. We then returned home to watch the ongoing adventures of LC et al on MTV.com.
As I have always said, the most interesting part of the hills is that nothing really happens, but we remain mesmerized. In fact, some stuff happens, but much less than was promised by the "extended trailer" teaser. First off, LC is squired around Paris by a young French man, but there is ne pas de romance. The most dramatic occurence for LC and Whitney was when Lauren accidentally burned her COUTURE loaner dress for the debutante ball with a curling iron. LC lost her shit, but Whitney (to the rescue) called the designer and arranged for a different dress. Love that girl!
Meanwhile in Speidiville, Ms. Montag had returned home to Colorado following a heinous fight with Spencer and was trying to figure out what to do about their car crash... I mean, relationship. Spencer, true to form, wouldn't allow her an inch of space and jumped on a plane to surprise her. I was actually impressed with the cold shoulder she gave him, except that I know - due to their constant media whoredom, that she eventually relented. Still, the looks her parents gave him were priceless. Such on that!
Looks like the next few weeks are going to involve more break-up/reconciliation drama and *shocker* a visit to the Conrad/Partridge pad by Ms Montag herself, which makes Lauren FURIOUS when she finds out. That's all for now kids, more on events in The Hills Universe as they develop.
To watch last night's episode, click here.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
When we last left LC, she had just learned that the Teen Vogue ball at Fashion week needed some extra help and that she would be accompanying Whitney to Paris. C'est Fabuleux! Looks like the action is going to move along pretty quickly. Here's a little taste of the new episode, airing on Monday the 24th. I can't wait.
Following the initial planning by both teams, the producers focused mainly on the Beauties as they (while backstage at the theater) were still trying to put together a routine. It was painful!
In the interest of full disclosure I should point out that I am incredibly uncomfortable watching amateurs perform on TV - I get very embarrassed on their behalf and often avert my eyes and chant "oh my God, oh my God, oh my God" until it's over. This is why I have never been able to watch American Idol (the auditions are brutal) or Ellen when she has audience members dance with her.
It was only my dedication to you, the Rage-rs, that forced me to watch the Beauties routine, so I could report accurately. They were a total mess from the get-go and by the time they had finished with their "planned" routine there was still over three minutes remaining on the clock. They then began flailing wildly (some doing the robot, some the sprinkler) which irked Kristina to no end (she complained in the confessional that a lot of the girls were doing the sprinkler incorrectly) - it was hilarious, mostly because you got a glimpse of how geeky the Beauties can really be. By the time the clock had run out, the audience was booing and chanting "Geeks, Geeks, Geeks, Geeks". Brutal.
The geeks performance started with Matt and Jason (shirtless and INCREDIBLY buff) coming alone onto the stage, the premise being that Matt had a poem written on a 20 foot length of parchment, then Jason started rapping (though I couldn't really make out the words due to the fact that Joey B and I were discussing his "out of nowhere" physique) and then the rest of the geeks came out. Those who could did various dance moves, including a pretty impressive performance by Greg who remarked afterwards that he has no fear about going on stage which is odd because he's so socially awkward. Jonathan did a Velociraptor impression (a la Jim Carey) that was cringe inducing, but kind of charming because the other geeks got such a kick out of it. Tommy (sigh!) did a stand up routine about all the comments he gets about being tall, and does he play basketball, "Do I walk up to people and say, wow, you're really fat. Do you Sumo? Because with that body, I mean..."
In the end the audience voted overwhelmingly for the Geeks and they were tasked with choosing 5 Beauties to send to the elimination ceremony. Back at the house that evening, some of the Geeks stayed inside, helping the girls study, while others took a relaxing dip in the hot tub. Some of the girls who were inside tried to create drama by implying that Leticia was manipulating the geeks to ensure that they wouldn't put her up for elimination. Joey B and I were outraged by the implication.
The next day the Geeks gathered to decide who to send home, and ran the meeting using Roberts Rules of Order which resulted in over 10 motions being passed before they even got to discussing who to send packing.
When the nominations were announced at the "staircase ceremony" Amber got angry that Leticia hadn't been nominated (while she, herself, had) which led to a Geek smack-down by Joe who said, straight out, that the Geeks had discussed it and they didn't believe that Leticia was trying to manipulate them, but that Amber obviously had been by making the accusation. Go Joe!
Ultimately, Amber choked big-time in the elimination and got sent packing. Of all the beauties, I believe she had the most unattractive personality, so sayonara, byatch!
Next week's episode focuses on a tag football game (Beauties vs. Geeks) that quickly devolves into full contact. Tune in next week to see it for yourselves, but if you miss it - no worries. I've got your back.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Once home, I would go for the previous Monday's Times first, it having my absolute favorite column - "Metropolitan Diary", where New Yorkers and visitors alike share stories about the city. There's something so refreshing about the stories, which often encapsulate the elusive... je ne sais quoi, that makes NYC (and more specifically Manhattan) my very favorite place to be. Here's an example from today's paper:
Weekends at Fairway can be tense.
As I was waiting in line for fish on a recent Saturday, a young man two places ahead of me began to call out his order. The man behind the counter had not seen him waiting and told him to get in the back of the line.
The young man refused impolitely. A middle-aged man between the young man and me sided with the counterman and reiterated the instruction to get in the back of the line. The younger man took offense and called the middle-aged man a name not to be repeated.
This resulted in the older man’s pushing the younger man, the younger man’s spitting in the face of the older man, and the older man’s lunging at the younger man and receiving a solid punch below the eye.
A large Fairway employee soon appeared to separate the combatants. The younger man disappeared into the recesses of Fairway.
The middle-aged man, holding his already red and swollen left cheek, reclaimed his place in line ahead of me.
Before I could ask if he was O.K., he turned and called to the counterman, “I’ll have a half-pound of halibut.”
Michael BernsteinI know it's incredibly cliche, but I have to say it... only in New York! Perfection!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
I got a message this morning that I had to check out Tracy Morgan's reply to Tina Fey's endorsement of Hillary Clinton. It's very, very funny. For those of you who are crawling out from under your hangovers - I hope this brightens your day.
As for me, I'm going back to bed.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Shortly after beginning to date fellow super douche Spencer Pratt (pictured below) Heidi begins to morph from a loyal friend (and roommate to LC) into a backstabbing uber byatch.
Here are just some of Heidi's trespasses:
- Convinced Lauren's best friend Jen to hook up with Brody Jenner, despite the fact that LC was sort of dating him at the time.
- Lied to Lauren's face about having any involvement at all with said tragic mack.
- Spread a rumor, along with Spencer (allegedly) that Lauren and her ex Jason had make a sex tape. Rumor circulates for months online.
- Attempts a music career (after having breasts and nose done) and inflicts worst music video EVER on an unsuspecting public. Additional douche tidbit - video is shot by super douche Manager... you guessed it, Spencer Pratt.
- Releases a "duet" with Brittany Spears, which consists of audio lifted from studio tracks Brit demoed but rejected.
- Releases lame clothing line - though I have to give her props, it's not like she's an amateur. She has 1 year (and 1 week) of Fashion school under her belt.
When all is said and done Heidi is, ultimately, a parasitic whore who is willing to climb over anyone to get a few seconds in the spotlight. I guess she lives in the right town to make all her dreams come true.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
To paraphrase Kathy Griffin, "Suck it Jesus - this [movie] is my God now!"
also, here is a first look at the TV spot for the movie
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
When I first heard the premise for an Aston Kutcher produced show called "Beauty & the Geek" I was less than impressed. I have an aversion to the exploitation of women, and I was afraid that the "geeks" would be ridiculed and embarrassed by the typical reality show editing. As a result, I was a late convert to the show, being finally won over when the (third?) cycle was shown in it's entirety in a New Years Day marathon while I was home in Canada for the holidays. I realized that, as Joey B says, the show has a lot of heart.
This cycle has introduced a new element - Beauty vs the Geek. The teams will be competing against one another with a lightening round elimination at the end of every show. It's too early to have bonded with all the contestants, but here's a run-down of our current favorites:
Tommy - "Sweater Vest Enthusiast" Now in the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that Tommy resembles many of the boys I have loved in the past. Tall, dark and geeky. For those who don't know, I have often joked about having "a PhD in Popularity" which could explain why I am so drawn to the socially awkward - opposites and what not.
Greg - "Self Proclaimed 'Gaysian" Greg had a crying jag on the sofa with two of the girls, feeling completely out of place, being the only gay contestant and not fitting in with the "super smart" geeks. The beauties immediately took him under their wings. Joey B and I fell in love immediately. I am going to try to convince Ben Lerman to adopt him.
Leticia - "Extreme Sports Model" Can't really say why we like her so much. Joey B thought she was very forthright and articulate. I thought she had a lot of chutzpah. Of all the beauties she seemed most down to earth and the least likely to participate in the girl vs girl drama that is so hard for me to watch. Hey ladies, sisterhood is powerful.
The first task given to the contestants was to go to a club and see who could get the most phone numbers. The geeks objected because they felt that the beauties had a pretty clear advantage. Then everyone was informed that the girls would be undergoing "Make-unders" to render them less attractive. The final results were sort of mixed. Though the girls were not "as beautiful", they were still tall and thin (except for the one who got stuck with the fat suit) and had the confidence that comes with knowing you're attractive to others. I enjoyed Greg even more because he tried so hard and even approached men in the club to try and get digits (in what was CLEARLY a straight meat market club). It was so brave.
Ultimately, it was John E. ("Recovering Microsoft Addict") who got the boot in week 1. A celebrated child genius, he implied that the lightening round would play to his strengths which, as well all know, is the kiss of death. So off he goes back to Tempe, Arizona. The show's official website does not list an occupation for John, so if you have any genius work that you've been meaning to get to, give him a call.
Stay tuned for weekly updates on this cycle of Beauty vs. Geek and check in tomorrow for the latest on High School Reunion. I hear the class geek is coming back for a little revenge...
Anyway, check out this short film, "Girl's Night Out" and I'll see if we can schedule an interview in the near future - I think this one is going places... besides the grocery store.
Monday, March 10, 2008
I believe that her right to say she doesn't like gays is equal to my right to say she is a fat, ugly, ignorant hillbilly who was obviously raised believing that "judge not, lest ye be judged" didn't apply to her opinions or her outfits. The speech that she made (I have posted it below) is full of lies and slander designed to scare her audience - implying that gays are recruiting children in schools as young as 2 years old (btw, what 2 year old goes to school???).
This is not free speech, my friends, that is hate-mongering. There are people who believe that Jews are secretly trying to take over the world, or that African Americans are all involved in gangs, but they are not given the same platform to pronounce their "crazy" as the hypocritical right-wing a**holes in congress, who will protect their right to make homophobic slurs with all the power they have. Without people like me to demonize, their constituents may actually begin paying attention to the state of this country. One should not be able to use a public platform to say such ignortant things - there is obviously no evidence to support the right's assertion that there is a "gay agenda" which revolves around "recruiting" others into their "godless" lifestyle. Please. If there was a Gay Mafia we would have relegated this wacko bitch to a "bigot make-over" show on Bravo. There was a time when antisemitism and racism were bandied about in the national press and no one batted an eye. Those days are long gone.
Here's what I suggest we do - stick Kerns and Senator Craig in a mens room stall. They can talk all they want about those godless homosexuals, and we know we wouldn't have to worry about either succumbing to the temptations of the flesh - we all know that Craig likes his women a little younger... and with a penis.
Just to whet your appetite, I've posted the video for "apartment" below. It makes me 50% nostalgic for my college days and 50% glad that I'll never have to wake up on the floor of some random apartment ever again. Well, maybe more like 90% glad. Enjoy!
The Winners Circle - Angela and Rick
I'll show you mine if you show me yours...
I think I may be channeling Mr. Burns - excellent!
Never play CLUE with a crafty cat, I'm just sayin'.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Last night, as we were wrapping up Game Night at Angela's, we turned the TV on just in time for the show's opening - a cutesy Wicked homage featuring Amy Adams and Kristen Wiig singing "What is This Feeling (loathing)". While it is remarkable that they look so much alike, they stuck to the original lyrics and it wasn't exactly a stellar performance. And I was completely distracted by a man (woman?... evil elf?) in the background with long black hair and a sparkling outfit playing the tambourine. He/she/it kept popping in and out of the frame. Did anyone else notice?
But I digress, the show started with a parody commercial of the now infamous, "Phone Call at 3am" ad and, while I thought it was funny, Angela was not amused. I figured, fair is fair, so I'm posting the video below so you kids can make up your own minds. This is, after all, a Democracy.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
I am always thrilled to get suggestions on who and what you think rage-a-holic needs to trash, review or even praise. And now it's easier than ever to let me know what you think.
I am pleased to introduce the "RAGE-A-HOLIC HOTLINE" located just below the labels on the right hand side of your screen. Just enter your phone number (North America only - apologies to all the rage-rs in Europe) and my crack team of electronic message elves will call you to get your feedback.
This call is completely free. Also, very soon we will be introducing Talk-back Tuesday, where I will be chatting with friends, family and perhaps a blogger or two. Stay tuned!
Joey B and I have been invited to Game Night at our friend Angela's house tonight. I love to play games, as does Joey B, but he doesn't always want to be my partner. I have to admit, I am competitive by nature and I really enjoy winning (but I am a VERY good sport about losing). The problem is that, during a game, I can get a little too competitive. The last time Joey B and I played Cranium, I accused him of not trying to win (which is very different from trying to lose). Let's just say he wasn't writing my name in the margin of his notebook that particular evening.
Tonight should be fun, we are bringing Cranium with us, but Angela's house is stocked with about a million games (the last time we were over there we played the Sponge Bob Square Pants version of the game of LIFE - I described it as a "soul killing" experience. I always try and convince everyone to play Trivial Pursuit (not just because the game was invented in my hometown) but because I love trivia. I have a brain that stores and retrieves useless facts at the speed of light. As a result, no one will play with me.
So far this week, Angela has said she would be ordering pizza, then it was Chinese and (last I heard) it was going to be Popeye's Chicken. I'll try to remember to take some pictures to post tomorrow. You'll be able to spot me by my look of victorious benevolence and the others by their looks of good natured defeat. I kid, I kid!
That's all for now kids, remember to share your toys and stay out of the deep end of the sandbox.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Every morning, as I drive to work, I am forced to deal with douche bags. There are the douches who drive 18 inches behind your bumper, even if they have the option of moving into the PASSING lane and actually, you know, passing. There are the douche bags who pull up into the right turn lane and instead gun it through the intersection as soon as the light turns green, cutting you off. There are the drivers who are oblivious to everyone else and will pull out of a driveway and/or side street right in front of you regardless of how fast you are driving towards them and/or the traffic laws designed to protect their stupid asses.
To each of you I raise a finger in salute.
But, my friends, there is a driver even more odious, more repulsive, more repugnant that those previously mentioned. The douche bags who do any and all of the aforementioned driving douche moves while behind the wheel of a Prius.
I live in Chicago which, after Los Angeles County, has to be the US capitol for Prii (Rage-speak plural for Prius - feel free to use it!). They are everywhere. This very morning I was cut off by a red Prius with an Obama 08 bumper sticker driven by a paunchy, balding douche who looked a lot like Larry King's FAS cousin.
There is something that just makes me nuts about a person who will go out of their way to make a socially conscious decision, such as purchasing a "green" vehicle, and then gets behind the wheel and turn into Snidely Whiplash. Karma be damned - if I ever get the chance I will track down that Red Prius Driver and deliver a sharp punch to the back of his head - that's one change I DEFINITELY believe in!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
So Joey B is riding a massive hangover and I, being a dutiful (if slightly self-absorbed) boyfriend have been taking care of him since I got home from work. This is a rundown of my evening:
- Returned home bearing the sure-fire hangover cure - a cheese burger from "What's the Beef". Joey B eats with relish.
- (insert lapse of 30 minutes) Joey B throws up said cure
- Joey B is instructed by loving caretaker to take some Gravol - as this will surely settle his stomach. Joey B is instructed on exactly where the Gravol is located in the medicine cabinet.
- (insert lapse of 30 minutes) following an inquiry as to whether the Gravol is working it is ascertained that Joey B was not able to locate said anti-nausea medication.
- (insert lapse of 1 minute) Gravol is located exactly where it should be. Loving caretaker brings pill and glass of water.
- Dinner is ordered from Thai Oscar. Joey B does not vomit. Progress.
- Joey B's new computer is delivered. Loving caretaker sets up wireless router and provides speakers, keyboard and mouse to ailing bf.
- Celebrity Apprentice (YAWN) and Lipstick Jungle (YUM) are viewed and parsed.
- Loving caretaker tucks ailing bf into bed and proceeds to write a lame time-line instead of an actual post due to complete exhaustion. Apologies tendered.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I was not expecting that one of the participants, Matt, would be a single father whose wife had died from a rejected liver transplant 7 months prior to the reunion. Every time he talks about his wife in the confessional he cries (I can't tell at this point whether I'm going to find it endearing or annoying). It looks like the producers are pretty invested in helping him to get on with his life because he was one of two people to receive a Hall Pass on the first day, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's the break down of the house-mates:
Deanna "The Popular Girl" - Deanna has been married and divorced 4 times since she graduated from high school. See received the first hall pass of the season and promptly asked Justin to go with her. She was tossing some pretty strong "kiss me" hints his way but he was a total puss and didn't try anything. Dude, she's been MARRIED and DIVORCED 4 times in 20 years - a girl has to move fast to maintain that kind of momentum! I think going to first base is pretty much guaranteed.
Justin "The Pipsqueak" - Justin was completely forgettable in high school but 20 years can change a lot and Justin is definitely not to be over-looked these days. But he does need to strap on a pair of cachones - maybe Kat can lend him hers.
Kat "The Lesbian" - Kat and her girlfriend of 5 years are taking a "break" leaving her free and clear to explore her "bi-curiosity." This particular twist REEKS of Producer interference but we'll see how it plays out.
Cheryl "The Outsider" - Cheryl didn't run with the in crowd at school (which was made completely obvious when no one could place her as she walked into the reunion). She's got 10 days to make an impression.
Jason "The Bully" - Jason sounds (and, let's face it, looks) like your typical douche bag bully. In his introduction he owns up to his bullying past and insists he wants to show that he's really a decent, sensitive guy. If I know anything about this show (and I do) he's got a big old bucket of come-uppance coming his way. Pay back's a bitch.
Yvette "The girl Next Door" - Yvette is currently my favorite - mostly because I like her hair and she seems pretty level-headed. Looks like she may have her sights set on Matt.
Kristin "The Spoiled Girl" - So far, we've learned nothing about Kristin except that her parents spoiled her. The best thing about her is that her eyes literally doubled in size when Kat announced that she has been dating a woman for 5 years. LITERALLY DOUBLED IN SIZE - it was hilarious.
Lana "The Drama Queen" - Lana married her high school sweetheart, Mike, but it didn't work out and they are now divorced. I think Drama Queen says it all.
Mike "The Rebel" - Of Mike and Lana (who didn't see that one coming?). We all agreed that he seems like a big baby. He also looks shockingly like what my college bf (the dreaded ex) probably looks like today. All short and bald with monkey ears and a bad personality. I'm just saying.
Rob "The Stud" - Rob was a typical football player man whore. I'm sure he'll get some play at some point during the reunion - I'm thinking Kat may give him a little slap and tickle - word of advice, make sure he double bags that mofo. There's no telling where it's been.
The first episode really focused on introducing the class but this group has already shown their potential to get down and dirty. Mike took the first opportunity he had to sneak into Lana's room and draw a mustache on her HS yearbook picture. I'm thinking that's something that a 7th grade girl would do - or a producer on the View... but I digress. Lana confronted him about it and I think the house mates got a pretty good idea of why she's not married to Mr. Monkey anymore. This is just a guess, but I'm predicting that, after 9 days of battle, they're going to kiss and make up at the prom (the final episode) and leave the island as friends.
Justin, following a night of drinking and playing truth or dare in the hot tub (where he ended up kissing Kat) finally negotiated a kiss with "4 times a bride" by daring HER to kiss HIM. I think she's going to have to resort to rufies in his drink if she ever wants to seal the deal.
I will be following all the twists and turns, and reporting them here, as the season progresses. When it comes to High School, I really only have one thing to say. Thank God, you can't go back again.
photo courtesy of Justin
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Imagine escaping, for an hour a week, to the Upper East Side of Manhattan to explore the lives of the filthy rich and (deliciously) morally reprehensible. Being a fly on the wall taking in the betrayals, make up sessions, make-out sessions and fabulous outfits. No need to worry, kids, Gossip Girl is that fly on the wall and she will hook you up.
I admit that I have a soft spot in my heart for teen drama - there's something so John Hughes about them - and my love affair with Manhattan is long and well established. It also doesn't hurt that the star of Gossip Girl is Blake Lively who is quite possibly the most charming young woman on the planet. Throw in a vicious social climber best friend, a super sweet "outsider" boyfriend from Brooklyn (aka. Siberia) and a supporting cast that includes (among others) a sociopath with a penchant for date rape, a nosy sister, a suicidal brother, and more skeletons in the closet than there are shopping at SAKs and you have the recipe for the perfect escape.
Though Gossip Girl herself never makes an appearance, she narrates the action in the guise of a website dedicated to tracking the ins and outs of life in the most prestigious prep school in New York. If you have trouble placing the voice think Veronica Mars & Heroes and you'll figure it out.
The episodes are currently in re-runs (not sure if there will be any new episodes this year) but I encourage you to seek them out. It's never to late to jump in - just click here and read all about the episodes you've missed. You'll thank me, and hey, have I ever steered you wrong?
xoxo Gossip Guy
photo credit: Andrew Eccles/The CW
Monday, March 3, 2008
Starting this, and every Monday, I will scour the interweb (well, at least YouTube) to find clips that will brighten your day. Check out today's selection (one of them was recommended by 7 year old Natalie B) - you have to guess which one. Feel free to send me suggestions for clips you'd like to see in the future - have a Manic Monday, kids!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
I thought it was a very clever, tongue in cheek endorsement, but you kids decide for yourselves. Check it out and let me know what you think:
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Such was the case with a little show on the (now defunct) WB. High School Reunion!
For anyone who's never seen the show, let me give you the run down. They select a high-school, look at the graduating class from 10 years prior, choose "archetype" characters - i.e. the prom queen, the class clown, the cool guy, the fat girl (these are all actual designations from previous seasons) and then put them all together at a mansion in Hawaii for a week.
The show concentrates on single (read unmarried) classmates and often bring together couples who were crazy about each other in school, or maybe just had a crazy crush on one of their classmates. The show's specialty has been to cast high school sweethearts who married young and have since divorced - DRAMA. Stir in a ton of free booze and you have the making of one hell of a show.
They go on day trips together, sometimes in a large group, but more often segregated by gender to bond and gossip. And every once in a while someone gets a "Hall Pass" where they get to go have a one-on-one excursion with someone else from the house. Usually the hall passes involve an activity, a private dining room, huge amounts of booze and a secluded overnight cabin. Boy + girl + booze - inhibitions = great TV!
It always amazed me that, no matter how accomplished the participants had been since high school, or how much they'd changed, once they all get together they would completely revert to 17 year olds including huge amounts of drama, squabbling and gossip. That being said, it really is a sweet show. I have spoken about how much I loved it ever since it's cancellation (it ran from 2003-2005). Thank you, TV Land, for having the wisdom to bring it back. The premiere will be on March 5th dates and I will be blogging that, and every, episode. NEW TWIST - this season will reunite the classmates of J.J. Pearce High School in Dallas, Texas who haven't seen each other in 20 years! Here's to the class of 1987!
To learn more visit http://www.tvland.com/originals/highschoolreunion/