P-E-ace out, Speidi

Following a poll conducted by E!News, they will no longer be running news stories about the terrible hills twosome. I am thrilled. I wish the rest of America would follow their example.

Smerez Gets Smacked

I was going to title this posting, "Smack that bitch, up!" (which is a parody of a song title) but but the whole Chris Brown trial I decided it was in rather poor taste.

I am just learning that Smerez Smilton got smacked by Polo Molina, the General Manager of the Black Eyed Peas, yesterday in Toronto following the MuchMusic Awards - ALLEGEDLY. I am never a proponent of violence (EVER) but I have to admit that my first impulse is to wonder what the Queen of All Trash had done to provoke the incident.

According to TMZ, the Toronto Police department threatened to prevent the entire band (which is on tour) from leaving the country unless the manager turned himself in - which he did this morning. I'm looking forward to following this story rather closely on TMZ, as should you...

But, the bottom line remains, do not hit people. Even if they are multi-hair-colored Cuban sasquatches who draw infantile erections on celebrity photos. Smack is Wack!

Ms. Griffin, God how I've missed you!

With another season of the emmy-award winning "Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List" premiering, Ms. Kathy Griffin is making the promotional rounds. Here is her appearance last night on David Letterman. It doesn't get much better than this.

Everything's Coming Up Rosie!

A certain celebrity received this email from a certain network today:

Dear Rosie

Please know that your profile piece
on CBS Sunday Morning
will air this Sunday,
June 7th at 10:00am eastern
on CBS

HURRAY!

Getting F'd in the A by Fame

Even before her recent anxiety attack, I was already getting very concerned about Susan Boyle. A woman from a very, very small town with a huge voice. We have all seen how "overnight" sensation actors - who have been struggling for years - can succumb to the sudden glare of fame by shrinking like violets in the sun. Take a very sweet, and very unsophisticated woman, throw in millions and millions of internet viewers, a whirlwind media tour on 2 continents and you have a recipe for disaster.

Years ago, I dreamed of being famous. A performer to the core, I imagined challenging myself with roles in film, television and on the stage. Even then, I said I wanted to be a working performer, but I would NEVER want to be a celebrity.

Being a (surprisingly) private person - I could never handle the paparazzi and trash magazines & blogs who feel free to print distortions and lies based on an "inside source" or provided by someone you sat next to in 10th grade english. It seems like a nightmare.

The point was brought home recently on Rosie O'Donnell's blog. Rosie, the author of NY Times bestseller Celebrity Detox ( a tome all about the downside of fame) was asked a question recently in the "Ask Ro" section of rosie.com The blogger asked Rosie how she could have been so rude to a friend of hers last week at "Daffy's on 54th street" - Rosie responded that she was not at that restaurant last week, or ever for that matter. Here is what I think occurred on that night.

The "friend" approached a woman at Daffy's and said, "Excuse me, aren't you Rosie O'Donnell" to which the woman replied, "No I am not". I am sure that, given that the report was that the woman at Daffy's was rude I can imagine that this woman, was probably not so nice about it. Regardless, even if it had been Rosie, who is out dining with friends, should she be forced to be nice to everyone who interrupts her in a way we would never do to anyone else, for fear of seeming rude.

People often say, that celebrities ask for it by offering access to their private lives, and I grant that some do, in an attempt to attain more and more fame, but for the most part wanting to act in movies doesn't mean that you are willing (or even aware) that it means having to sacrifice your privacy or give up your ability to dine in public with friends without being endlessly pestered. The ability to shop without huge crowds gathering or a paparazzi crush (known as a gang bang) preventing you from reaching your vehicle.

Ms Boyle has been in the spotlight less than a month and has already been hospitalized. I fear for her, and the child stars today who will be vilified tomorrow. Fame is a truly a drug, and the public is the guiltiest enabler of all. Put down the magazine, stop reading Schmerez Schmilton and leave the Gosselins to work out their marriage on their own. Let's all get off the gossip smack. As Ms Whitney Houston said, "Crack is wack!"

Wolverine? Skip It!

Joey B and I had dinner in Lincoln Square with Jason Fab on Saturday night and then went to the Davis Theater to see "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". All I can say is yawn, yawn, yawn.

Even the multi-talented boy from Oz, Hugh Jackman, seems like he's not sure what to make of the film, or how he ended up here. I gue$$ he thought it would help him to $tretch as an actor.

It was a hackneyed mess of action movie cliches and clunky one liners (though, what I assume are hardcore fans, laughed obligingly while Joey B, Jason and I cringed). They literally had the "cradling my dead girlfriend to my chest and screaming into the sky as the camera pulls up and spins" shot. It was brutal.

For those who cannot be dissuaded, I will not reveal any additional details, except this one. SPOILER ALERT: This movie sucks.

Fin.

My Baby's a Super Star

Soleil's latest "project" is now live on outworld.tv.

You can see her acting chops as she gets a bath in "The Ben Lerman Show" Episode 1. Ben's pretty good too.

And Kudos to Angela the Groomer on her Web TV debut as... Angela the Groomer.

Thank You, Helen A. S. Popkin

I love Helen A. S, Popkin.

Her column on msnbc.com is always fun and topical. Recently, she has become my new favorite person ever after I noticed that her latest column is called (the name change is mine - due to the fact that every time I write about loathsome people their ads begin appearing on my blog) "OMG Smerez Smilton! Won't you please shut up!"

What I love most about Ms. Popkin is her keen insight into the realm of media. I could keep gushing, but I'd rather you get a taste yourself.

Check out today's column.

Kanye is a Gay Fish

In case you missed the latest South Park, here's a taste.

Even Kanye liked it, posting a blog saying that it's going to be a long road to convince people that he isn't a huge douche. But he gave props to the creators, saying the episode was "pretty funny" and saying that the writers and creators are probably really nice people in real life. Who is this guy and what did they do with Crazy Kanye???

Not Hillarious...

It looks like, for some GOD FORSAKEN reason, MTV will not be posting last night's season premiere of the hills until today at 3pm EST! What the hell. I can watch the after show right now, but I have to wait to watch the episode. WHY?!?!?

Why would they do this to me? Why am I being so melodramatic? [insert long pause, during which I stare off into space meaningfully]. I don't know.

The Hills are Alive - Season 5

They're Back. They're Back. Tonight, tonight, tonight!

I can't believe I take so much pleasure in the (fake) shenanigans and (pseudo) dramatics that afflict this un-scripted (scripted) show. But I do, i really, really do.

I have had lengthy discussions about the fact that, for a show where nothing EVER happens, it's riveting television. From the looks of the preview, however, it looks like at some point this season a 'roided up super-douche Spencer does take time out of his busy... um... schedule???? to kick his sister's (eye contact allergic) bf's ass. Real punches thrown. Though my sources tell me all is not as it appears.

According to legal documents filed by the punchee, the producers egged him into sending the texts that got him the "pratt-down", by assuring him that Spencer was in on the joke. Sounds about par. Legal disclaimer: This is all allegedly how it transpired - it's up to the courts to sort it out.

I, for one, would be happy to see Lauren and Heidi getting along again. For some strange reason, I find former friend feuds particularly upsetting. I was probably the only person in America who breathed a genuine sigh of relief when I heard that Paris and Nicole had patched things up. Seriously. I just want everyone to get along.

Looks like this could end up being the very last season of the hills, kids. So buckle up and enjoy the (not very interesting) ride. YEEHAW!

CrazyBeth Strikes Again...

Just got a voice mail from Ianovich about today's episode of The View. Apparently, when discussing the Obama gaffe about the Special Olympics during his appearance last week on The Tonight Show, Elizabeth got so worked up that she threw water on Barbara (I'm sure it was an accident). This is all hearsay at this point, so don't quote me!

Anyway, I am scouring YouTube now trying to find the video. I'll upload it as soon as I can.

UPDATE: Here it is, though as a caveat, I have been running around from one crazy meeting to another today and haven't had a chance to view it. I will watch it tonight and post my comments then.

Yes We Can!

Here is a sneak peek at Alexis Bledel as WWII icon Rosie the Riveter from the upcoming issue of Glamour Magazine.

I really miss seeing her face and I'm glad that she was chosen to participate in a center spread, with fellow young "Hollywood Starlets" recreating iconic images of women.

It has been quite a Gilmore Girls Alumna couple of weeks. First Lauren Graham in the New York Times, then Kelly Bishop on last night's Law and Order (defense Lawyer) and now the divine Ms, Bledel in Glamour.

Life is good.

On The Watch

As someone who prides himself on his pop culture awareness I have to say - The Watchmen came out of left field for me. The first I heard about it is when Joey B pointed out my old high school classmate, Malin, on the cover of Entertainment Weekly.

I have never been much of a comic book fan. When I was a kid, I would take a look if they happened to be lying around, but I was much more interested in novels of the young adult oeuvre. I am proud of the fact (but not in that pompus "I'm too good for this" kind of a way) that I have managed to resist all peer pressure and thereby haven't seen any of the Spiderman or Batman films (I broke down and watched Ironman with Joey B In December... meh). The truth is that these films hold very little appeal for me. I detest car chases, fight scenes and explosions. I could have cut at least an hour out of the final LOTR movie - without sacrificing a second of plot. Frankly, I'd rather have a Shamrock Shake (available now for a limited time!)

For some strange reason, I am totally jonesing (note: SpellCheck recommended replacing josesing with minnesinger) to see this film, to the point where I tried to get Joey B to go see a screening at 7am this morning in the IMAX theater on Navy Pier (I would have still been able to get to the office on time) but he thought we should purchase the Graphic Novel (read: comic book) before we see the film. I have been thinking about popping out of the office to grab a copy, but the weather and the huge number of slow walking tourists on Michigan Avenue have kept me firmly at my desk.

Still, the lure of this film (with reported full frontal CGI nudity) is palpable. I am definitely planning on checking it out as soon as I can sharing my thoughts with you. If you happen to catch a glimpse of a fast-moving blur progressing up the Magnificent Mile, there's no need to fear. It's not a bird (or a plane) it's just a man on a mission.

Brace Yourselves, Kids

The three-headed jackal is baying at the moon, which can only mean two things. Either the end is nigh, or a new season of The Hills is fast approaching. Thankfully, it's the latter.

To really ratchet up the super fakeness that is a typical episode the trailer featured a Tarot Card reader who just happens to narrate the entire run of the Hills up to this point. I love really creepy coincidences like this - I have goosebumps!!!!

In sharp contrast to The City, I am totally willing to devote a half hour to a show where nothing really happens (and includes 10 minutes worth of aerial and traffic shots per episode). I had to get off The City bus after the third episode. Yawn yawn yawn.

Check out the trailer and let me know what you think. Are you as excited as I am? Do you think less of me for my 12-year-old-girl excitement level? Are you SO over it? Are you So over people who STILL say that they're over it??? Bring me up to speed in the comment section.

This Tranny Mess needs a Bitch Slap

The Hot Tranny Mess herself, Christian Siriano, espouses the belief that Rhianna must have done something to provoke that kind of response from Chris Brown.

I hear women who wear red dresses deserve to get raped as well. Somebody PLEASE bitch slap this irrelevant basic cable pixie - I would say it's long overdue and, hey, he asked for it...

Just Asking...

WHICH pop star/reality-TV hostess and her husband tried to lure a hottie publicist into their Atlantic City hotel suite for a threesome? When the singer suddenly stripped naked and got into bed, the terrified flack made her excuses and fled . . . WHICH petite screen actress isn't as intelligent as her college degree would imply? She refuses to read the scripts her agents send her and then throws a fit when plum roles go to her harder-working peers.

Just Asking...

WHICH married-with-children cable TV honcho has been so helpful to an ambitious reporter who works for him, everyone thinks they're having an affair - including her boyfriend? Her beau dumped her flat after reading some incriminating e-mails . . . WHICH media mogul has been hitting on the flight attendant on his corporate jet - and her girlfriend? He offered the hotties an all-expenses-paid trip to Mexico City, but they laughingly declined.

It's All Pretty in the City

I drenched myself in two back-to-back episodes of, new Whitney Port star vehicle, The City, while staying at my parents place in Niagara over the holidays. Ian, who was in from the UK, watched with what I can only describe as "minimal" interest.

As I have mentioned before, joey B and I - when discussing the new show - have sat on very different sides of the same fence. I was very worried that they were going to turn Whitney into another victim of hormonal urges (ala LC during her run in Laguna Beach and during season 1 of The Hills) who chases "bad for her" guys with the same gusto she uses when shopping for shoes. Lauren, for the record, has learned her lesson the hard way and no longer dates "on camera" except for those guys who are (I'm sure) selected by the shows' producers. Joey B thought Whitney would emerge unscathed.

I'm afraid that my predictions have proved rather accurate. The flavor that Whitney brought to The Hills was not only as a sounding board for "Lauren's Life" exposition (which she did by asking early on in EVERY episode, "so, what did you do this weekend?") but also as the resident career girl. We have watched her manage to stay afloat despite Hillary Duff's late appearance at Teen Vogue's "Young Hollywood" party and the general craziness that is Kelly Cutrone. She fell on National TV while modelling a Hillary Swank Oscar dress, and we loved her all the more for the tears afterwards.

Sadly, the move to NYC has left her with little (apparently) to do professionaly but a lot of time to spend with an Australian Douche Bag named Jay, who has started off strong by sleeping with other girls and lying about it to her face. Jay, as well as Whit's new roommate (and old friend) Erin are meant to represent "downtown" while snide nobody Olivia Palermo is meant to represent uptown. Palermo, as the New York Times so aptly pointed out, is not the Upper East side of, "Brearley and Yale but [rather] of ostentatious dressing and dumb luck." So far, Palermo has managed to embody the mixture of insecurity and entitlement that will always leave her, and her ilk, apart from the Astor set. Regardless, she is a promising villain and I look forward to hating her even more that I did when following her exploits via Page Six.

I'm hoping that this show will allow Whitney to continue with her ambitions and not end up a crying, pathetic mess getting jerked around by a selfish narcissist while the public eats it all up, it should be noted, with anything but a silver spoon.

Just Asking...

WHICH newly married starlet gave a guy she trysted with a nasty STD right before her wedding . . . WHICH on-the-rocks couple have been headed for divorce for a while? The rock star was cheating on his actress wife immediately after they got hitched and has been carrying on with his comely female sound technician . . . WHICH television actor should ask his new fling for her secret photo album? While she was in college, she took some nude pictures that are floating around the hard drives of local frat houses. Somehow, we don't think the actor will be turned off.