rage-a-holic

The New Days of Disco

2009-11-27T22:42:00.003-06:00

Joey B, Ianovich and I are flying out tomorrow afternoon for the annual pilgrimage to Buffalo NY for the world's Largest Disco.

My wonderful friend Anne entertains us all every year with her rants brought on by people who come to the disco in outfits not representative of the disco era (or even of the 70s). Here's Anne's advice for all you disco lovers:

Anne`s Guide to Disco

When attending and event as large as the World`s Largest Disco one must come prepared. This guide will help the masses prepare for the event and make sure that they are not stepping on the boundaries of various era as well as not piss me off with their choice of apparel.

When beginning the journey to transcend into disconess, one must know the true meaning of disco.

Disco was a popular dance music, especially in the late 1970`s, characterized by strong repetitive bass rhythms. Discothèque comes from the French language meaning “record library”. This was then shortened to disco and used to described music, dance and fashion.

Disco Fashion

Please be aware that psychedelic miniskirts and white boots were not part of disco fashion. These are the garb worn by go-go dancers in the 60`s. Disco fashion was much more sophisticated and glamorous. If you would like to flip your hair, wear a headband and flash a peace sign at every opportunity, please choose another venue. The disco is not the place to come with your mixed up ideas of disco. When someone truly has the essence of disco thoughts of polyester suits, Kaftan dresses, flared trousers, platform shoes and catsuits should come to mind. There was also no shortage of sequins. If in doubt check out this website: http://www.fashion-era.com/1970s.htm

Disco music and moves

Signature dance moves for anyone who loves the night life and wants to boogie can take cues from the most infamous disco goer, Tony Manero. Tony Manero is the character played by John Travolta in the 1977 classic “Saturday Night Fever”. He had moves that made the ladies crazy. If you want the same effect, practice the Hustle. It`s a classic and easy to do. Take notes and dance along to Saturday Night Fever, rent it, watch it, and be it.

These tips and techniques are here to help guide you through your disco experience. Remember, it may be easy to pick up a miniskirt and a fringed vest but when you choose to be a hippie for a disco party you are not only hurting yourself, your also hurting my patience. In closing I would also like to indicate that if you show up in any Cyndi Lauper garb then you are seriously mistaken your eras and shouldn`t be there because you are most likely not old enough to consume alcohol (I’m just saying).

When Life Gives you Lemons...

2009-09-03T09:04:00.003-05:00

I learned yesterday there are only 182,000 people who work in advertising in the US. That number blew my mind. When it comes to people who specialize, like I do, in digital media the number is probably closer to 20,000. In the entire country. BLEW MY MIND!

Even so, the state of the economy, and the changing face of advertising, has meant some lay offs, due to lack of funds or restructuring. Here is a trailer for a new documentary focusing on some people whose job loss was a blessing in disguise.

Life gave them lemons, and they made...

SOOOOO Funny!

2009-08-12T13:43:00.003-05:00

I just discovered this hilarious site (thanks Melis!) all about the corporate world, which I happen to occupy.

Until recently, I was a Project Manager (I am now a Digital Producer). Even still, I found this particular strip hilarious. The title is "Project Manager", check it out:

The Return of Gossip Girl

2009-08-10T12:19:00.006-05:00

Here is a sneak peek at the new season of Gossip Girl.

I have to admit that last season lost some of it's luster for me, but I'm hoping that the new season will offer a fresh start. Especially because the new campaign is called WTF??? If I'm not yelling WTF at my TV during the season premiere, I will be deeply disappointed.

Are you excited for the new season?

Why the Chase?

2009-08-10T10:27:00.002-05:00

I was horrified to read this morning about a police chase that ended with a collision - killing 8 people.

I think the blame lies in 2 camps.

Firstly, there is a reason that every time you hear a story like this, it has happened in California. This state has manages to turn high speed chases into Colosseum entertainment. They interrupt programming to bring you a car chase, day or night, with commentary by overly tanned anchors.

The public interest in high-speed chases aren't just confined to California. You can see programming on Fox and many "male centered" cable channels dedicated to the "craziest chases and crashes" in America. California, however, is the only place I can think of that will scramble the news copters at the first report over the police scanner that someone refused to stop when being pulled over for a minor speeding and /or moving violation. Get him, boys!

Secondly, I blame the right-wing backlash against people of hispanic descent - these nazi-esque rants can be heard all over the radio and every nutbag with a computer is free to blame all of their problems on "the illegals". I have a sneaking suspicion that there is a chance that the driver of the Dodge Neon (that refused to stop) was being driven by people who were possibly living in this country illegally. The fact that they chose to drive at high speeds through central California, resulting in the fatal crash, denotes that they had panicked and felt that they had to escape the police.

This is not to absolve the adults who, once they chose to drive off did not secure the very, very young children in the car with seat belts, causing them to be ejected upon impact. Only to say that "fight or flight" is a strong physical, as well as psychological, response to a perceived threat. The question is why we always must give chase - and if the punishment can in any way fit the crime.

Senorita Stainypants

2009-07-31T11:24:00.001-05:00

Check out this particularly hilarious post on GoFugYourself.com. Genius!

Holding out for a Hero

2009-07-31T10:38:00.004-05:00

Like many fans of the show"Heroes" I lost interest in the show early last season. I did finally get back into it the last 3 or 4 episodes but, on the whole, it was yawn, yawn, yawn straight through.

The recently released trailer of the new season looks like it's getting back to it's roots. Take a look and let me know whether you're planning on tuning in to check it out, or if you've stopped holding out for a "Heroes" season that doesn't suck.

ENOUGH!

2009-07-28T09:48:00.003-05:00

I am beside myself with this ridiculous rumor, that had plagued the President for years, that he is not in fact an American Citizen. The White House has put his birth certificate on the internet, and actually addressed it repeatedly in press sessions (most recently yesterday). All I have to say is ENOUGH!

The fact of the matter is that nothing they attempt to do will ever satisfy a rabid portion of the populace who also subscribe to other conspiracy theories - like that the moon landing was staged, the world is flat, or the protocols of the elders of zion are real. Just stop already.

If I have to read one more article about it on CNN.com I am going to scream. For a small section of the populace, Mr Obama will never be a legitimate president, and whether it's because they believe that he was secretly born in Africa, or because they do not believe Hawaii is a real state, should we worry? My answer is a resounding NO.

This country is drowning under huge medical bills and suffering thorough a dangerous recession and economic crises. Am I really expected to care that the bunker crowd wont stop insisting that the President is illegitimate? Even into the 8th year of his presidency, it never stopped me from pointing out that GWB had only been elected once. Get over it, and get this health care bill passed. I need some extra strength advil.

Can it be that it was all so simple then...

2009-07-17T13:52:00.003-05:00

Sometimes reality is stranger than fiction. Here's freshman Senator AL Franken back in his days on SNL.

FLAT ERIC!!!

2009-07-17T12:39:00.003-05:00

For years, I have been chasing a trifecta of 90s nostalgia.

The first was a song that I sang non-stop over a weekend camping trip at the Niagara whirlpool in 1994 (all I could remember was the "I like toast" part). I found the video on youtube about a year ago.

The second is a interstitial short that aired on Much Music (circa 1993) - it was a mixture of stop motion animation and puppets, and the crux was a plate of eggs telling a kid he was a "freak". The video ended with the kid screaming "I'm NORMAL" repeatedly as his plate of eggs continued to insist that he was a freak. I'm not doing it justice here, but trust me - it was hilarious. I have STILL never managed to see it again, maybe Much will digitize it's archive? If anyone knows how I can get my hands on this short, please let me know.

The third item was a video featuring a puppet dialing a phone, dancing, smoking a hot dog (not perversely) and using a blow dryer. I loved it because they had found a way to visually represent all of the samples used in the song, and I thought the puppet was adorable.

Ian, my hero, found the video for me last night, and I post it here for your edification. Please be sure to get in a 90s frame of mind before viewing. I suggest moping about the state of the economy and dwelling on the morbid coverage of a music super-star who died due to a drug addiction. I know it will be hard, but do your best.

Segragation is All the Rage

2009-07-09T16:52:00.002-05:00

I have been anticipating this movie for a while but, thanks to Trent from Pink is the new blog, I now have a trailer to share with all of you.

Moving beyond the typical summer blockbuster fare, this film will force you to reexamine your perceptions of racism and segregation. Of course, the movie will have it's share of action and explosions as well.

I'm going to see it opening weekend - I suggest you do the same.

'Uninvited' Theatrical Trailer @ Yahoo! Video

Free is All the Rage

2009-07-08T09:51:00.003-05:00

Check out this music video, that was produced with a budget of $0!

The directors are in NYC, but the band was in Japan. They recruited the talent via their website, offering their fans a chance to participate and appear in the video. Is this the next wave of DIY ingenuity? You tell me...

Transform this Film Into Something Watchable, PLEASE!

2009-06-25T17:15:00.003-05:00

The Transformers sequel is horrible. Terrible. Really, really bad. Couldn't sit all the way through it, bad. Save yourself the time and the money, bad. There is definitely not more than meets the eye.

A plotless, plodding, mess with bad writing and ZERO plot. If Mystery Science Theater was still on, I would nominate this movie in a second - because they would cut a good hour out of it, but I'm not sure it's even bad/good. It's just BAD!

La Lockjaw

2009-06-24T15:17:00.002-05:00

I have often said it would be really fun to work on Burger King's ads. They seem to allow their agency to have a lot of freedom and are comfortable pushing the envelope.

This new ad, however? Let's just say I had a hard time swallowing it.

P-E-ace out, Speidi

2009-06-23T13:26:00.001-05:00

Following a poll conducted by E!News, they will no longer be running news stories about the terrible hills twosome. I am thrilled. I wish the rest of America would follow their example.

Smerez Gets Smacked

2009-06-22T12:28:00.003-05:00

I was going to title this posting, "Smack that bitch, up!" (which is a parody of a song title) but but the whole Chris Brown trial I decided it was in rather poor taste.

I am just learning that Smerez Smilton got smacked by Polo Molina, the General Manager of the Black Eyed Peas, yesterday in Toronto following the MuchMusic Awards - ALLEGEDLY. I am never a proponent of violence (EVER) but I have to admit that my first impulse is to wonder what the Queen of All Trash had done to provoke the incident.

According to TMZ, the Toronto Police department threatened to prevent the entire band (which is on tour) from leaving the country unless the manager turned himself in - which he did this morning. I'm looking forward to following this story rather closely on TMZ, as should you...

But, the bottom line remains, do not hit people. Even if they are multi-hair-colored Cuban sasquatches who draw infantile erections on celebrity photos. Smack is Wack!

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

2009-06-15T13:41:00.003-05:00

Have you ever been paralyzed by a decision. Sat up all night composing a pro/con list? There's a site, which launched today, that night help. It's called Hunch and it purports that by asking you a series of questions, it can get to know your likes and dislikes, therefore it can help you to make those tough decisions. The claim is that the more you use it, the more accurate it will be.

Basically, it asks innocuous questions to help them determine what demographic you are part of, and uses that information to "suggest" products you should buy. For instance, it suggested I buy a Saab convertible.

A cute diversion, but don't be fooled. This site is trying to "intuit" you into opening your wallet, you twit!

Ms. Griffin, God how I've missed you!

2009-06-11T10:07:00.003-05:00

With another season of the emmy-award winning "Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List" premiering, Ms. Kathy Griffin is making the promotional rounds. Here is her appearance last night on David Letterman. It doesn't get much better than this.

Let's All Have Sex with Ducks!

2009-06-09T11:36:00.002-05:00

Opponents to same-sex marriage, often site that this is the gateway to people being able to marry and/or fornicate with Animals. Garfunkel and Oates have this response:

Metropolitan Diary

2009-06-09T10:46:00.001-05:00

Dear Diary:

While watching the Kentucky Derby at a wine bar on the Upper West Side with a friend and a handful of cheering sippers, I high-fived a stocky guy wearing a blue baseball cap and drinking a bloody mary who was sitting next to me as the gate opened.

Even though my horse, Chocolate Candy, finished fifth, he pumped his fist with a little excited sigh. What was as surprising as the 50-to-1 long shot Mine That Bird coming from behind to crush the field was my bloody mary barmate’s sheepish announcement that he had just won $1,000 on a $20 bet.

Turns out a week earlier a bird flew into his apartment. He told us how he coaxed the bird onto a towel and then carefully placed it in a tree near his apartment — and showed us the picture on his iPhone. Another example of a good deed rewarded. Oh, and he bought us a round of drinks! Stefani Jackenthal

Ruins are All The Rage

2009-06-08T09:03:00.003-05:00

Ianovich, Joey B and I spent the weekend making plans to go see "My Life in Ruins" and then, instead, taking long naps and/or ordering food instead. Still, with much perseverance on the part of Joey B and Ian, we managed to make it to the Webster 11 last night to catch the return of Nia Vardalos to the big screen, after a 5 year absence.

My friends, it was worth the wait.

I am not going to pretend that this is a terrific movie - it's not - but it is a charming film which, in some circles, is even better. There were some jokes lifted directly from "how to write for sitcoms 101" and the characters are painted with a very, very broad brush but on the whole I found the experience very enjoyable. Ms Vardalos takes the routine material and makes baclava - and by that I mean Greek gold! Kudos as well to Richard Dreyfuss who manages to strike a very difficult balance between wise cracking and simply wise.

I wish the cinematography could have done more with the amazing greek landscape, but on the whole, nothing detracted enough from the story to lead me to not recommend this film to everyone. I walked out of the movie with a smile on my face, and I would see it again,.Very high praise indeed.

Hopah!

Everything's Coming Up Rosie!

2009-06-05T16:21:00.001-05:00

A certain celebrity received this email from a certain network today:

Dear Rosie

Please know that your profile piece
on CBS Sunday Morning
will air this Sunday,
June 7th at 10:00am eastern
on CBS

HURRAY!

Getting F'd in the A by Fame

2009-06-03T09:54:00.002-05:00

Even before her recent anxiety attack, I was already getting very concerned about Susan Boyle. A woman from a very, very small town with a huge voice. We have all seen how "overnight" sensation actors - who have been struggling for years - can succumb to the sudden glare of fame by shrinking like violets in the sun. Take a very sweet, and very unsophisticated woman, throw in millions and millions of internet viewers, a whirlwind media tour on 2 continents and you have a recipe for disaster.

Years ago, I dreamed of being famous. A performer to the core, I imagined challenging myself with roles in film, television and on the stage. Even then, I said I wanted to be a working performer, but I would NEVER want to be a celebrity.

Being a (surprisingly) private person - I could never handle the paparazzi and trash magazines & blogs who feel free to print distortions and lies based on an "inside source" or provided by someone you sat next to in 10th grade english. It seems like a nightmare.

The point was brought home recently on Rosie O'Donnell's blog. Rosie, the author of NY Times bestseller Celebrity Detox ( a tome all about the downside of fame) was asked a question recently in the "Ask Ro" section of rosie.com The blogger asked Rosie how she could have been so rude to a friend of hers last week at "Daffy's on 54th street" - Rosie responded that she was not at that restaurant last week, or ever for that matter. Here is what I think occurred on that night.

The "friend" approached a woman at Daffy's and said, "Excuse me, aren't you Rosie O'Donnell" to which the woman replied, "No I am not". I am sure that, given that the report was that the woman at Daffy's was rude I can imagine that this woman, was probably not so nice about it. Regardless, even if it had been Rosie, who is out dining with friends, should she be forced to be nice to everyone who interrupts her in a way we would never do to anyone else, for fear of seeming rude.

People often say, that celebrities ask for it by offering access to their private lives, and I grant that some do, in an attempt to attain more and more fame, but for the most part wanting to act in movies doesn't mean that you are willing (or even aware) that it means having to sacrifice your privacy or give up your ability to dine in public with friends without being endlessly pestered. The ability to shop without huge crowds gathering or a paparazzi crush (known as a gang bang) preventing you from reaching your vehicle.

Ms Boyle has been in the spotlight less than a month and has already been hospitalized. I fear for her, and the child stars today who will be vilified tomorrow. Fame is a truly a drug, and the public is the guiltiest enabler of all. Put down the magazine, stop reading Schmerez Schmilton and leave the Gosselins to work out their marriage on their own. Let's all get off the gossip smack. As Ms Whitney Houston said, "Crack is wack!"

Coming Out in the 21st Century

2009-06-02T10:39:00.002-05:00

It almost boggles the mind to think back to the absolute panic I had before coming out in the early 90s. The fear of the unknown is not to be underestimated - think Samantha Jones and her infamous HIV test. Once I had told my close friends and immediate family, there was a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. But during those months I subsisted on a steady diet of anxiety and relief - having to sit through virtually the same uncomfortable conversation time and time again.

A TIME article, posted on CNN today had me laughing at how far we've come in the past 15 years. Check it out for yourselves.

Future Crime, Here at Last?

2009-05-27T22:20:00.000-05:00

Finger Painting

2009-05-27T14:14:00.001-05:00

I was saying to Joey B this morning that I find the latest cover of the New Yorker striking. Imagine my amazement to learn that it was painted entirely on an iPhone. The future is here - and it's colorful!

Metropolitan Diary

2009-05-18T10:41:00.001-05:00

This particular gem had me chuckling for half the morning. Thought I'd share it with you.

Dear Diary:

Now that it’s not there anymore I can tell a story of why I don’t use travel agents.

I was planning my first and only trip to Israel, so I went up the stairs to a little travel office on West 73rd Street to consider using them for parts of my trip. I got a pleasant greeting from the receptionist and asked her, “Is anybody in the office an expert on Israel?”

She said: “I wouldn’t say experts, but we’re all very familiar with travel to Israel. What can we help you with?”

And I said, “Well, my first question is, am I going to need to rent a car?”

And she said, quite confidently: “Oh, no. You just take a boat from island to island.”

Edward Belling

Donna Martin Graduates

2009-05-17T09:47:00.001-05:00

I started this post early this morning, while sitting in the pavilion at UIC, waiting for Joey B's Commencement to begin. Unfortunately, though I could enter the title and tags, I could neither enter copy into the body of the blog, nor could I upload photos from my blackberry. Not sure is it's a blackberry, or Blogger issue. I plan on complaining either way.

The ceremony was like nothing else I've ever witnessed. The highlight, besides seeing Joey B crossing the stage to receive his degree, was the pre-recorded address from the ailing Ray Bradbury, who was too ill to attend in person. It was a very heart-warming address on the merits of a higher education from a man who was too poor in his youth to pursue one. Throughout the majority of his speech a cat perched on his shoulders, which was absolute perfection.

I, being allergic to long, boring ceremonies, was surprised at how moved I was. I could not stop misting up. I am so proud of Joey B and all the hard work he has put into his academic career. I am excited to see what is next.

The class Valedictorian leaned on the words of the animated duo, Pinly & The Brain, as she wrapped up her speech by encouraging her peers to spend tonight, and every night doing one important thing, "Trying to take over the world."

Oh my God, You Guys!!!

2009-05-15T13:01:00.000-05:00

I just learned of this cinematic gem today. I would probably rather wash my dishes by hand for a month than see it, but the trailer is delightful. Check it out.

Wolverine? Skip It!

2009-05-04T08:38:00.004-05:00

Joey B and I had dinner in Lincoln Square with Jason Fab on Saturday night and then went to the Davis Theater to see "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". All I can say is yawn, yawn, yawn.

Even the multi-talented boy from Oz, Hugh Jackman, seems like he's not sure what to make of the film, or how he ended up here. I gue$$ he thought it would help him to $tretch as an actor.

It was a hackneyed mess of action movie cliches and clunky one liners (though, what I assume are hardcore fans, laughed obligingly while Joey B, Jason and I cringed). They literally had the "cradling my dead girlfriend to my chest and screaming into the sky as the camera pulls up and spins" shot. It was brutal.

For those who cannot be dissuaded, I will not reveal any additional details, except this one. SPOILER ALERT: This movie sucks.

Fin.

My Baby's a Super Star

2009-04-29T10:27:00.002-05:00

Soleil's latest "project" is now live on outworld.tv.

You can see her acting chops as she gets a bath in "The Ben Lerman Show" Episode 1. Ben's pretty good too.

And Kudos to Angela the Groomer on her Web TV debut as... Angela the Groomer.

I Didn't Ex-Specter That!

2009-04-28T13:51:00.002-05:00

Arlen Specter has decided to make the move to the Democratic party. Is this because, as he has claimed, the Democratic party ideology is closer to his own (as the Republican party moves further to the right, and has become the party of "NO"), or is he just blowing with the wind?

I guess only time will tell, but it does provide the Democrats a filibuster proof 60 in the senate (assuming everyone votes along party lines).

What do you think? Is this a game changer, or just politics as usual?

Sound off in the comment section.

Real all about it here.

Get Your Grillz On!

2009-04-24T10:36:00.004-05:00

I have been working diligently on the new Kentucky Grilled Chicken campaign. I encourage everyone to check out Unthinkfc.com and download the iPhone app. It's hilarious.

Thank You, Helen A. S. Popkin

2009-04-23T13:52:00.003-05:00

I love Helen A. S, Popkin.

Her column on msnbc.com is always fun and topical. Recently, she has become my new favorite person ever after I noticed that her latest column is called (the name change is mine - due to the fact that every time I write about loathsome people their ads begin appearing on my blog) "OMG Smerez Smilton! Won't you please shut up!"

What I love most about Ms. Popkin is her keen insight into the realm of media. I could keep gushing, but I'd rather you get a taste yourself.

Check out today's column.

Here Comes the Sun...

2009-04-23T08:51:00.003-05:00

As we creep (far too slowly) towards the Summer, I can feeling a looming shadow. Blockbusters.

I, myself, am not a fan of Summer Blockbusters, but there are definitely a few movies I can't wait to see.

Exhibit A: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

I am DYING to see this movie. Joey B and I went to see the last installment (HP and the Order of the Phoenix) in 3D at the IMAX. It was fun (I loved the huge screen but the 3D wasn't as much of a component as I had anticipated) but I don't think we'll go that route again. I'm not even embarrassed to admit it.

Exhibit B: Bruno

I resisted seeing Borat in the theaters because I thought there was way too much hype. But I will definitely be putting on my leather short shorts and checking out Bruno. The link above is too a very racy preview (for Mature Audiences only). You've been warned.

Exhibit C: X-Men Origins, Wolverine

I'm actually kind of on the fence about this one. The last X-Men movie I went to see in the theater kind of sucked. I'm going to wait to hear the buzz and maybe see it in it's second weekend. We'll see what Joey B has to say about that!

Besides the new HBO movie about the Beales, "Grey Gardens", these are pretty much the only movies I'm looking forward to seeing. What films are you excited about? Have your say in the comment section.

Art Thou Happy Now, Sirrah Ianovitch?

2009-04-21T14:29:00.003-05:00

Pray forgive the length of mine absence from these pages. I have felt the estrangement most keenly. Pray, let thine eyes rest awhile on the script below and ye shall be most distracted with merriment!

Hast thou been patterning thy parlance to evoke the vernacular of William Shakespeare?

William Shakespeare is being honored in Chicago and on the Web on the 445th anniversary of his birth.

Well, get thee to an Internet machine hastily, sirrah or mistress, for thou hast but two days from Tuesday to unleash thy inner bard.

Mayor Richard M. Daley of Chicago, Illinois, has declared Thursday as "Talk Like Shakespeare Day" to celebrate the 445th birthday of the man many consider the greatest playwright in the English language.

While the bard's actual birth date is not known for sure, many scholars think it was April 23, 1564.

In a proclamation issued last week, Daley encouraged city residents to "screw their courage to the sticking place and celebrate Shakespeare by vocal acclamation of his words."

There's no reason why the rest of the country cannot play along, peppering our conversation with -- as the mayor suggested -- phrases such as "prithee" and "fie!" or, if you're at work, "pass yonder stapler."

It isn't as difficult as it sounds. After all, Shakespeare single-handedly contributed more than 1,700 words and phrases to the English language -- everything from "foul play" to "monumental" to, of course, "all's well that ends well."

Don't Miss

Talk Like Shakespeare: Unleash your inner Bard!
Shakespearean Insults: Random Insult Generator
Twitter.com: Shakespeare Says

But should you need some help, head over to talklikeshakespeare.org -- a Web site that the Chicago Shakespeare Theater unveiled Monday.

Here, visitors can share their "Shakespeariences" -- their first memory of Shakespeare or their favorite quotes; subscribe to a Twitter feed where the Bard of Avon will generously translate your 21st-century English into its 16th-century equivalent; or listen to the Q Brothers singing about the finer points of speaking Shakespearean. Did we mention it's a rap song?

The Web site also offers 10 quick pointers on how to talk like Bill. A sampling:

Don't waste time saying "it." Just use the letter "t" ('tis, 'twill, I'll do't).

To add weight to your opinions, try starting them with "methinks," "mayhaps," "in sooth" or "wherefore."

When in doubt, add the letters "eth" to the end of verbs (he runneth, he trippeth, he falleth).

Finally, if you're inclined to yell at the driver who cuts you off as you head to work, why settle for "idiot," when "thou rank white-livered canker-blossom" is so much more satisfying.

For more ammunition, you can consult the random Shakespearean insult generator on the British site william-shakespeare.org.uk. "Thou vain fly-bitten moldwarp!" and "Thou gorbellied clapper-clawed scurvy-knave!" are just a sample of the offerings

Tweet Tweet, Twiddle-e-Deet

2009-04-18T08:14:00.002-05:00

Yes Kids,

I have finally broken down and joined Twitter. Now, you can follow my adventures in RageLand 140 characters at a time.

My username is SemperPeeps.

PETA, PAH-LEASE

2009-04-10T10:00:00.004-05:00

I am a huge supporter of animal rights. I donate to organizations, both locally and nationally, who support the welfare of animals and educate the public. One organization that will never get a cent out of me is PETA.

For years I have found their tactics tacky. Their self-righteous campaigns strike me as hyperbolic and (frankly) boring. I'd rather go naked than wear fur? Yawn, Yawn, Yawn. And their lame publicity stunts, like the news on CNN this morning that they are encouraging musical group Pet Shop Boys to change their name. I don't question their motives, but (because I work in the industry) I know how much money that could be spent on animal welfare is going instead to media companies for billboards, magazines ads and posters. Especially in this economy, it's important to make every dollar count - which is why I steer clear of PETA while I'm steering clear of fur.

Kanye is a Gay Fish

2009-04-09T16:46:00.002-05:00

In case you missed the latest South Park, here's a taste.

Even Kanye liked it, posting a blog saying that it's going to be a long road to convince people that he isn't a huge douche. But he gave props to the creators, saying the episode was "pretty funny" and saying that the writers and creators are probably really nice people in real life. Who is this guy and what did they do with Crazy Kanye???

Not Hillarious...

2009-04-07T08:14:00.003-05:00

It looks like, for some GOD FORSAKEN reason, MTV will not be posting last night's season premiere of the hills until today at 3pm EST! What the hell. I can watch the after show right now, but I have to wait to watch the episode. WHY?!?!?

Why would they do this to me? Why am I being so melodramatic? [insert long pause, during which I stare off into space meaningfully]. I don't know.

The Hills are Alive - Season 5

2009-04-06T10:25:00.005-05:00

They're Back. They're Back. Tonight, tonight, tonight!

I can't believe I take so much pleasure in the (fake) shenanigans and (pseudo) dramatics that afflict this un-scripted (scripted) show. But I do, i really, really do.

I have had lengthy discussions about the fact that, for a show where nothing EVER happens, it's riveting television. From the looks of the preview, however, it looks like at some point this season a 'roided up super-douche Spencer does take time out of his busy... um... schedule???? to kick his sister's (eye contact allergic) bf's ass. Real punches thrown. Though my sources tell me all is not as it appears.

According to legal documents filed by the punchee, the producers egged him into sending the texts that got him the "pratt-down", by assuring him that Spencer was in on the joke. Sounds about par. Legal disclaimer: This is all allegedly how it transpired - it's up to the courts to sort it out.

I, for one, would be happy to see Lauren and Heidi getting along again. For some strange reason, I find former friend feuds particularly upsetting. I was probably the only person in America who breathed a genuine sigh of relief when I heard that Paris and Nicole had patched things up. Seriously. I just want everyone to get along.

Looks like this could end up being the very last season of the hills, kids. So buckle up and enjoy the (not very interesting) ride. YEEHAW!

They're Different

2009-04-03T13:40:00.003-05:00

It is with heavy heart that I am following today's shootings in Binghamton, NY. As details begin to come in, I think it's telling that the location of the shooting was an immigration services center.

Over the past 2 1/2 years I have watched as anti-immigrant sentiment in this country has grown exponentially. If it was scary to watch this disgusting scapegoating while the economy was still good, it is terrifying now that the economy has shed 2,000,000 jobs in 2009.

There is blood on the hands of the radical right-wing members of the Republican party. There is blood on the hands of every loud mouth on talk radio. And, sadly, there is blood on the floor of a center set up to help everyone achieve the American Dream.

Quitting is All the Rage

2009-04-03T09:13:00.004-05:00

The new taxes on cigarettes launched this week and the New York Health Department took the opportunity to roll out a new campaign to encourage smokers to quit.

I have mixed feelings about the tax increase. On the one hand, the additional taxes would help to offset the cost of caring for smokers, especially those on social assistance. On the other hand, I think that cigarette addiction is very powerful and pervasive - addicts, by nature, will find ways to pay for their cigarettes, even if it means going without other necessities which would prove beneficial to their health. This is particularly true of poor and/or disadvantaged smokers.

I have been hearing all week about the new ads running in New York. One in particular has been deemed so disturbing (featuring a child separated from his mother in a crowded train station) that it has made national news.

I tried to find the individual ads on YouTube, but wasn't able to do so. Instead I found a report on the controversial ads. Feel free to weigh in, I would love to know what you think. As the saying goes, "Smoke 'em if you got 'em."

Let's Hug it Out!

2009-04-02T14:02:00.003-05:00

I cannot believe that there has been so much fuss about Michelle Obama placing her hand on the Queen's back. Let's get some perspective, people.

1. The Queen placed her hand on Michelle's back first.

2. As a non-subject, Ms. Obama is not held to the same rules of protocol as a citizen of the UK or any of the commonwealth nations (Canada, Australia, Bermuda, etc) would be . Barring appearing to be very rude, MO isn't even required to curtsy to the Queen.

3. With all the problems in the world right now, this is what we have to focus on? Is it a prolonged April Fools joke? I hope so.

One of the Coolest Ads Ever

2009-04-02T13:54:00.003-05:00

Hi Kids,

An email came acroos my desk this morning that contained a link to one of the coolest interactive ads I've ever seen. Just want to assure you all that this is 100% legit - check the date, this is no April Fools joke.

Check it out!

Art is in the Voices

2009-03-25T12:40:00.002-05:00

I have always been fascinated with the process of creation - in particular I am drawn to the deconstruction of the process. Whether the topic is music, film, and art (in all it's various forms) - listening to an artist who is able to speak coherently about their process is a rare and wonderful thing.

Much to Joey B's chagrin, I watch film commentaries constantly to get an insight into all of the elements that went into the final product. I even once attempted to watch the Director's Commentary on a Hilary Duff movie (to see if even a bad movie could be rendered more interesting - in this case the answer was a resounding NO). I would, however, recommend listening to the Director's commentary on "American Beauty" - it is the gold standard of commentary in my opinion. But I digress.

Earlier today, I stumbled across this video on the Etsy blog where an Artist describes her work and her career path. I was incredibly inspired by her passion and her bravery. I hope you will be too.

CrazyBeth Strikes Again...

2009-03-23T13:03:00.005-05:00

Just got a voice mail from Ianovich about today's episode of The View. Apparently, when discussing the Obama gaffe about the Special Olympics during his appearance last week on The Tonight Show, Elizabeth got so worked up that she threw water on Barbara (I'm sure it was an accident). This is all hearsay at this point, so don't quote me!

Anyway, I am scouring YouTube now trying to find the video. I'll upload it as soon as I can.

UPDATE: Here it is, though as a caveat, I have been running around from one crazy meeting to another today and haven't had a chance to view it. I will watch it tonight and post my comments then.

The Sky is Grey...

2009-03-17T13:31:00.003-05:00

I have an ongoing love affair with the 1970s documentary "Grey Gardens." I saw it first during a film class during college and, for days afterwards, I thought constantly about these two sad, lonely women who were trapped together in their dilapidated mansion on Long Island. I couldn't get them out of my mind. At the time the movie depressed me horribly, but in time I came to appreciate them as as the quirky, but entirely lovable, women they were.

I am thrilled to report that a biopic (also called Grey Gardens) is coming out soon starring Drew Barrymore as Little Edie. My excitement comes, not only from the subject matter, but also from the fact that one of my film school mentors, Ms Patricia Rozema, co-wrote the script.

For those of you not familiar with Rozema's work, I encourage you to see "I've Heard the Mermaids Singing" and "When Night is Falling" (my personal favorites)... I didn't see Kitt Kittredge, so I can't really recommend it.

She is an incredibly talented director and writer and I am jazzed that she is involved in this project. Take a look at the trailer and let me know what you think.

The Bad Touch

2009-03-10T11:29:00.004-05:00

Today's New York Times had an article titled, "Sex, Lies and Photoshop" about the amount of retouching that occurs in today's magazines, and how hard the magazine industry is fighting to keep it all on the down-low.

I'm sure everyone has bigger fish to fry, but I would love for someone to step up and hold magazines to the same level of accountability that they do advertisers, pharmaceutical companies, hell, even cigarette manufacturers. Unlike these businesses mentioned, who must diligently report side effects, special effects and any tampering whatsoever, magazines do not have to report (or in any way acknowledge) that an image has been retouched. The rationale being that re-touching falls under the heading of artistic license. Ridiculous!

The fact is that these magazines make millions of dollars selling a beauty ideal that doesn't exist. The women in these photos (already genetically aberrant) are then slenderized, their eyes enlarged, their limbs lengthened, their teeth whitened and their skin rendered flawless. If the photo manipulators wanted to hang that on a wall in a gallery - that would be artistic. But, as we all know, these images aren't meant to be artistic in the classic sense (with some notable exceptions, Annie Liebowitz and Helmut Newton spring to mind).

The negative ramifications of the increasingly unattainable images in these magazines have been repeatedly pointed out in the sky-rocketing rates of eating disorders and body dis-morphia. I am not asking the fashion industry to change their methods, I am asking for a small asterisk on the bottom right hand side of the page stating, "Photo has been retouched". Why is that too much to ask?

On The Watch II

2009-03-09T11:00:00.003-05:00

I had a very wonderful, and frenetic weekend.
Saturday started with a massage and shave at HALO spa for men in the Gold Coast, followed by lunch with Joey B at Red June and then book shopping at Shake, Rattle and Read. We then spent the rest of the afternoon reading/relaxing and then ordered a delicious Thai dinner and watched SNL (was it just me or was the whole cast super AWKWARD????)

Sunday morning we had brunch at Tallulah and then went to the Davis to see "The Watchmen".

The movie was pretty much in line with what I expected. It was visually stunning, the violence could have been rendered a little less graphically for my tastes (but I'm definitely not the primary audience for this flick) and it ran just a bit too long - I would have cut maybe 10-15 minutes out to speed up the pacing which, when you consider that it's a 2 hours and 43 minutes picture, isn't really a lot to lose.

I thought the acting bordered on the cheesy occasionally, but on the whole I walked out very satisfied. I may even venture over to see it at the IMAX - this is a movie that should be seen on the largest screen possible.

After the film, Joey B and I did more reading/relaxing had calzones for dinner and then watched the Celebrity Apprentice. Actually, looking back, my weekend doesn't seem so frenetic after all. I guess you had to be there.

Be Loud and Proud

2009-03-05T16:53:00.002-06:00

Fellow residents of Illinois, Take Note:

The Domestic Partnership bill has passed committee (in a slim 5-4 vote) and will be going to the House of Representatives.

I am asking everyone who is willing to please call, email (ie contact) their representative and let them know that you support equal rights in Illinois.

Of course, in typical Illinois fashion, the opposition is complaining that this is just marriage under a different name (which is the same argument the opposition in other places use to try and get domestic partnership bills through so that they won't have to *shock*shock*shock* provide equality to all citizens by granting them the right to the word.

This issue affects you, or someone you know and care about. Please be loud, be heard, be vigilant. In the words of Joey B's favorite chant from "Day without a Gay, "Obama. Obama. Let Momma marry Momma!"

Yes We Can!

2009-03-04T13:12:00.004-06:00

Here is a sneak peek at Alexis Bledel as WWII icon Rosie the Riveter from the upcoming issue of Glamour Magazine.

I really miss seeing her face and I'm glad that she was chosen to participate in a center spread, with fellow young "Hollywood Starlets" recreating iconic images of women.

It has been quite a Gilmore Girls Alumna couple of weeks. First Lauren Graham in the New York Times, then Kelly Bishop on last night's Law and Order (defense Lawyer) and now the divine Ms, Bledel in Glamour.

Life is good.

On The Watch

2009-02-27T13:44:00.007-06:00

As someone who prides himself on his pop culture awareness I have to say - The Watchmen came out of left field for me. The first I heard about it is when Joey B pointed out my old high school classmate, Malin, on the cover of Entertainment Weekly.

I have never been much of a comic book fan. When I was a kid, I would take a look if they happened to be lying around, but I was much more interested in novels of the young adult oeuvre. I am proud of the fact (but not in that pompus "I'm too good for this" kind of a way) that I have managed to resist all peer pressure and thereby haven't seen any of the Spiderman or Batman films (I broke down and watched Ironman with Joey B In December... meh). The truth is that these films hold very little appeal for me. I detest car chases, fight scenes and explosions. I could have cut at least an hour out of the final LOTR movie - without sacrificing a second of plot. Frankly, I'd rather have a Shamrock Shake (available now for a limited time!)

For some strange reason, I am totally jonesing (note: SpellCheck recommended replacing josesing with minnesinger) to see this film, to the point where I tried to get Joey B to go see a screening at 7am this morning in the IMAX theater on Navy Pier (I would have still been able to get to the office on time) but he thought we should purchase the Graphic Novel (read: comic book) before we see the film. I have been thinking about popping out of the office to grab a copy, but the weather and the huge number of slow walking tourists on Michigan Avenue have kept me firmly at my desk.

Still, the lure of this film (with reported full frontal CGI nudity) is palpable. I am definitely planning on checking it out as soon as I can sharing my thoughts with you. If you happen to catch a glimpse of a fast-moving blur progressing up the Magnificent Mile, there's no need to fear. It's not a bird (or a plane) it's just a man on a mission.

Fashion Forward? A FuddyDuddy Responds

2009-02-25T13:09:00.005-06:00

I watched last night's address to congress with great anticipation.

It is no secret that it took me a while to warm up to Obama (I am a Hillary lover from way back in my High School days) but there is no question that he can command a crowd. Last night's eloquent pleas with congress to do what needs to be done to help America thrive hit exactly the right note. Michell Obama's outfit, however, didn't.

It could be that, now that I'm in my thirties, I have become a FuddyDuddy, or that I am my Mother's son, but I was shocked, SHOCKED, to see the First Lady appear in a sleeveless dress. In CONGRESS. It was undeniably lovely, and she has AMAZING arms, but it just seemed so inappropriate. This is where the business of government takes place, it is not the place for a cocktail dress (even a frock that one has worn on the cover of Vogue - though in a different shade).

It seems that I am the only one who seems to think so. In my search for an image to post here as an example I came up with nada, so I guess it's just me. It looks like the ladies and gentlemen of congress no longer need to wear their smart pantsuits and jackets - change has come to America.

Brace Yourselves, Kids

2009-02-24T12:10:00.006-06:00

The three-headed jackal is baying at the moon, which can only mean two things. Either the end is nigh, or a new season of The Hills is fast approaching. Thankfully, it's the latter.

To really ratchet up the super fakeness that is a typical episode the trailer featured a Tarot Card reader who just happens to narrate the entire run of the Hills up to this point. I love really creepy coincidences like this - I have goosebumps!!!!

In sharp contrast to The City, I am totally willing to devote a half hour to a show where nothing really happens (and includes 10 minutes worth of aerial and traffic shots per episode). I had to get off The City bus after the third episode. Yawn yawn yawn.

Check out the trailer and let me know what you think. Are you as excited as I am? Do you think less of me for my 12-year-old-girl excitement level? Are you SO over it? Are you So over people who STILL say that they're over it??? Bring me up to speed in the comment section.

Tikkens, Inspired by Dyslexic Kittens

2009-02-24T09:00:00.002-06:00

In an ongoing attempt to get the wretched right-wing ads off of my blog, I am using the good will and karmic redemption that only kittens can provide. Check out this adorable clip.

Name That Dame

2009-02-23T16:19:00.002-06:00

Can you figure out who this is? Just put your guess in the comment section. The first correct response will win receive a small prize.

This is How we Roll

2009-02-18T11:20:00.003-06:00

Ianovich is in town for the week and we are trying to make the most of the brother bonding time before we fly back to Niagara this weekend. Yes, I am flying into Buffalo airport, and out again on Sunday night when I return to Chicago.

Monday night we joined Jason Fab and our friend Matty at Sidetrack to enjoy show tunes, cocktails and good company. We had such a wonderful time and I will definitely try to go more often. I did get a free drink from one of the bartenders, so at least my foregone days of glory haven’t completely disappeared. Though, I did have to endure a very intoxicated woman who kept telling me that the bartender was “really into me.” She assured me that she was never wrong, with a knowing gleam in her eye, but then fell halfway off her stool – destroying all her credibility.

Last night we joined Joe O at Halsted Bar & Grill for some pre-volleyball food and then headed home to play our new Wii Agatha Christie Mystery game. We were super excited, and then dropped off like flies, one by one until the entire household was asleep by 9pm. To say that we can’t party like we used to was an understatement.

Tonight, an early show of Confessions of a Shop-a-holic and then dinner at Chelsea Grill. Hurray!

This Tranny Mess needs a Bitch Slap

2009-02-16T09:47:00.002-06:00

The Hot Tranny Mess herself, Christian Siriano, espouses the belief that Rhianna must have done something to provoke that kind of response from Chris Brown.

I hear women who wear red dresses deserve to get raped as well. Somebody PLEASE bitch slap this irrelevant basic cable pixie - I would say it's long overdue and, hey, he asked for it...

Banner Ads are All the Rage

2009-02-16T09:00:00.000-06:00

In my day to day life, I produce interactive advertising campaigns. So basically my job is creating the ads you stare at every day, while perusing TMZ or slumming with Smerez Smilton.

The advertising here on Rage-A-Holic is generated based on what I write about. This is the reason why, after excoriating the right-wing harpy known by the last name C.O.U.L.T.E.R, suddenly ads for the crazy bitch's books started appearing.

I have tried to pull them down myself, but it isn't possible without removing all ads from my site, which wouldn't buy Daddy all those lovely shoes. I am going to have to be very, very careful who I write about in the future. The fingers of the Right-Wing Republican conspiracy are in every pie. Lesson learned.

Happy President's Day!!!!

Billy Bragg gives Ragamus Prime a Smackdown!

2009-02-13T13:44:00.002-06:00

Billy Bragg has always resonated in my adult life. Much like my other touchstone artist, Ani Difranco, he seems to have songs that relate to every emotional predicament I face.

A friend of mine used to say, "Ani knows" with a very meaningful look, the expression of her deeply felt belief that no matter what you were experiencing in your personal life, Ani has written a song about it. Et tu Billy?

It's no secret that I work in advertising, and that I have a very specific (and sometimes surprising) love for it. Well today, for the first time, I find myself cut to the quick by Billy. I have placed the lyrics to a certain song below. Fear not, though I am conflicted and crying on the inside, on the outside I am ducking out of work two hours early to go shopping.

A very fitting response - Just ask Ani, she'll tell you all about it.

Some Days I See The Point

Never saw a meaningful TV advert,
I don't think shopping
Is a metaphor for life.

Don't waste my time at the gym
In the morning,
Try to keep trim by living my life.

Wanna feel the wind blowing in my hair,
Wanna hear the waves crashing on the beach,
I'm not seeking easy answers or inner peace,
I'm just looking for some release.

I want to help to make the world better,
But I can't do it all on my own.
Try to keep the lead
On my disappointment,
Cause cynacism's such a cop out,
I know.

Watch the shadows of clouds
Moving on the hill,
Open my eyes and drink my fill,
On those days that I feel dejected
I come up here for a bit of perspective.

Gonna follow the path
That climbs up through the trees,
Walk along the cliff top
And gaze out to sea,
I feel free when I come up here and
If it's clear,
Some days I see the point.

Long Delays are all the Rage

2009-02-13T13:38:00.002-06:00

Hi Kids,

So sorry for my extended absence. I have started a new job at a much larger firm and have been psychotically busy, busy, BUSY! I'm on the ladder and I'm climbing as fast as I can.

I gave myself a month to get into the groove of my new job with no distractions. Finally, I'm very pleased to say, I am on top of my crazy workload (mostly).

I promise, once again, to offer you my particular brand of commentary on all things political, social and -most of all - POP.

Ladies and gentlemen - the bitch is back!

Ostensibly Gay Man Sings about Closet...

2009-01-13T14:22:00.002-06:00

Melis just sent me this hilarious (though unintentionally so) ad by Microsoft for their new "SongSmith" program. Take a look as the "happily" married Ad man comes out in song...

The Pot and the Kettle may be Black...

2009-01-13T12:19:00.003-06:00

... but Ann Coulter will tell you that's the fault of Hollywood liberals. During her short appearance on The View yesterday, she managed to call Alisha Keyes, Halle Berry and Barack Obama race baiters, accuse single mothers of destroying society and attack Barbara Walters for reading excertps from her book as though it was written by Adolf Hitler.

Normally my policy with nuts like Coulter is to ignore them, but I think that this, the latest appearance of a woman I call Intolerance Barbie, is something everyone should see.

Just Asking...

2009-01-12T10:54:00.001-06:00

WHICH pop star/reality-TV hostess and her husband tried to lure a hottie publicist into their Atlantic City hotel suite for a threesome? When the singer suddenly stripped naked and got into bed, the terrified flack made her excuses and fled . . . WHICH petite screen actress isn't as intelligent as her college degree would imply? She refuses to read the scripts her agents send her and then throws a fit when plum roles go to her harder-working peers.

Just Asking...

2009-01-08T11:24:00.001-06:00

WHICH married-with-children cable TV honcho has been so helpful to an ambitious reporter who works for him, everyone thinks they're having an affair - including her boyfriend? Her beau dumped her flat after reading some incriminating e-mails . . . WHICH media mogul has been hitting on the flight attendant on his corporate jet - and her girlfriend? He offered the hotties an all-expenses-paid trip to Mexico City, but they laughingly declined.

Mama... Get a Grip!

2009-01-06T10:09:00.004-06:00

Last night I was treated to another hour of Momma's Boys. While this week episode was, on the whole, more watchable than episodes past, I did still change the channel a couple of times when things got really intense (always involving Mrs B).

This week we were finally treated to the "show date" where JoJo (Mrs Bs hockey playing 21 year old son) asked an African American woman to go rock climbing. After the date, they retire to a hot tub where they get a little smooch on. Of course, the producers - knowing that Mrs B is... let's say, xenophobic - insists that she be brought to her son immediately. The producers promptly get her to a helicopter and the next thing you know they are hovering above the hot tub while Mrs B (via a telephoto lens) watches her son kissing the "black lady" (her words, not mine).

Here is my problem with this whole sequence. It is all just so convenient and unconvincing. Are we really supposed to believe that this entire thing wasn't staged by the producers. JoJo, dreamy as he is, doesn't seem able to stand up to his mother when it comes to wearing a shirt she doesn't like, let alone dating someone his mother has had serious confrontations with. Secondly, if you have a helicopter hovering above the hot tub you are soaking in - you stop kissing and look up. Lastly, being able to shoot in a residential neighborhood from a helicopter takes time and planning, it's not like grabbing your flip and jumping into the Prius. All I can say is, Ms. Seacrest... pah-lease.

The most cringe inducing moment of the show is when JoJo defends his Mother's behavior on the show by saying that, ALL mothers are like that. He seems a little bewildered when his date disagrees. Later on in the show, he gives his date, Misty, the old heave ho because she "disrespected" his mother and then turns to her and says, "you're more important than she is." Of course your mother is more important than some girl you just met, but dude - grow a pair and call your Mom on her BS.

The other mothers, while having their opinions and making them heard, lack the manic insanity that is Mrs B, much to my relief.

This episode also welcomed the respective religious leaders, and the extended families, of the Momma's Boys over to the mansion to celebrate Hunnukah and Christmas. It was a cute idea, but led to a butting of the heads between Robert and his Mother, Esther - who wants him to marry a nice Jewish girl, only one of whom is left in the house. Robert has his eye on an African American lovely named Camilla, who was very interested in learning all about the ceremonial and culinary traditions of the Festival of Lights. Looks like there's a shiksa in the kitchen with Momma.

At the end of the show each mother and son team were given 3 plane tickets to the US Virgin Islands, for the next step of the competition. The moms had one to give away and their sons, two. For better or for worse, the islands should offer more chances for romance and conflict. Looks like things are about to get ugly in paradise.

Cyndi-oke

2009-01-05T12:07:00.001-06:00

When you mix Cyndi Lauper, Jennifer Saunders and Graham Norton it's a pretty safe bet that the results will be hilarious.

It's All Pretty in the City

2009-01-05T10:06:00.005-06:00

I drenched myself in two back-to-back episodes of, new Whitney Port star vehicle, The City, while staying at my parents place in Niagara over the holidays. Ian, who was in from the UK, watched with what I can only describe as "minimal" interest.

As I have mentioned before, joey B and I - when discussing the new show - have sat on very different sides of the same fence. I was very worried that they were going to turn Whitney into another victim of hormonal urges (ala LC during her run in Laguna Beach and during season 1 of The Hills) who chases "bad for her" guys with the same gusto she uses when shopping for shoes. Lauren, for the record, has learned her lesson the hard way and no longer dates "on camera" except for those guys who are (I'm sure) selected by the shows' producers. Joey B thought Whitney would emerge unscathed.

I'm afraid that my predictions have proved rather accurate. The flavor that Whitney brought to The Hills was not only as a sounding board for "Lauren's Life" exposition (which she did by asking early on in EVERY episode, "so, what did you do this weekend?") but also as the resident career girl. We have watched her manage to stay afloat despite Hillary Duff's late appearance at Teen Vogue's "Young Hollywood" party and the general craziness that is Kelly Cutrone. She fell on National TV while modelling a Hillary Swank Oscar dress, and we loved her all the more for the tears afterwards.

Sadly, the move to NYC has left her with little (apparently) to do professionaly but a lot of time to spend with an Australian Douche Bag named Jay, who has started off strong by sleeping with other girls and lying about it to her face. Jay, as well as Whit's new roommate (and old friend) Erin are meant to represent "downtown" while snide nobody Olivia Palermo is meant to represent uptown. Palermo, as the New York Times so aptly pointed out, is not the Upper East side of, "Brearley and Yale but [rather] of ostentatious dressing and dumb luck." So far, Palermo has managed to embody the mixture of insecurity and entitlement that will always leave her, and her ilk, apart from the Astor set. Regardless, she is a promising villain and I look forward to hating her even more that I did when following her exploits via Page Six.

I'm hoping that this show will allow Whitney to continue with her ambitions and not end up a crying, pathetic mess getting jerked around by a selfish narcissist while the public eats it all up, it should be noted, with anything but a silver spoon.

Just Asking...

2009-01-02T08:19:00.000-06:00

WHICH newly married starlet gave a guy she trysted with a nasty STD right before her wedding . . . WHICH on-the-rocks couple have been headed for divorce for a while? The rock star was cheating on his actress wife immediately after they got hitched and has been carrying on with his comely female sound technician . . . WHICH television actor should ask his new fling for her secret photo album? While she was in college, she took some nude pictures that are floating around the hard drives of local frat houses. Somehow, we don't think the actor will be turned off.

Just Asking...

2008-12-23T12:13:00.001-06:00

WHICH television newsman is said to be having an affair with his female executive producer? She's getting a divorce, but it's still a bit sticky . . . WHICH gay Broadway director made the most of it when one of his principal actors left the show? He picked a handsome young replacement who's been seen having dinner with the older man . . . WHICH television actress has more to deal with than her recent divorce? Spies have spotted her leaving AA meetings in Hollywood.

Looks Like We made It

2008-12-22T11:21:00.002-06:00

My fellow bloggers and chief fashion consultants, Heather and Jessica - aka the Go Fug Yourself Girls, recently uploaded a post that warmed my cold, black heart.

It turns out that one of the campaigns I've been working on has gotten into their heads to the point where they happily referred to the fact that, "the hideously, brain-searingly, stabby-makingly awful ##### ad with that Five For Fighting song is seasonal and should therefore go off the air soon."

I have arrived. *bliss*

Metropolitan Diary

2008-12-22T11:07:00.004-06:00

As I have mentioned before, I am in LOVE with the Metropolitan Diary column in the New York Times. It is one of the things I like most about Mondays - along with new episodes of Gossip Girl and The Hills.

Last week was a tough one for me, following the announcement of Obama's choice of Rick Warren to participate in the inauguration. The entry below, from today's Met Diary, helped me to recapture some of the hope I had lost. The power to make things happen lies with the people. It's an important lesson - especially at this time of year.

Dear Diary:

Date: Wednesday after Election Day.

Time: Evening rush.

Place: 33rd Street Station

Cast: Two senior citizens and a crowd of passengers on the No. 6 Lexington Avenue local.

My friend and I were trying to head uptown on the subway. The platform was so crowded that we could not board the first train to enter the station. We waited for another train, and I managed to wiggle my way in.

My friend was still on the platform, so I shouted, “Please move into the center of the car!”

A passenger replied, “We can’t; it’s crowded.”

Then another passenger said, “Yes we can!”

Suddenly the car was filled with shouts, “Yes we can!”

Everyone moved farther in and my friend was able to join me on the train.

Sue Falk

Holding Out For A Hero...

2008-12-19T15:43:00.004-06:00

There are many families struggling this year. Record lay offs, a weak economy and foreclosures have all contributed to the diminishment of the dollar.

This holiday season, you have a unique opportunity to make the dollar mighty once more, by helping the families of those who are serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. Please take a moment to visit this site and donate what you can: your dollar can change someones world.

www.herodollar.com

OBAMA-RAGE!

2008-12-18T09:55:00.004-06:00

I am incredibly annoyed with our President-elect and his choice of bible thumping bigot Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at his inauguration. Below is an email I sent this morning to his transition team:

It is ironic that this ground breaking election, which inspired so many, also saw the passing of Proposition 8 in California. It is sad that citizens were stripped of the rights that the state supreme court had acknowledged they deserved.

It is appalling to me that you would invite a man, who was instrumental in ensuring that hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of Californians were deprived of that right, to deliver the inaugural invocation.

In your acceptance speech, you were the first President-elect to call out the LGBT community as being a strong presence in this country, and a vital part of the progressive wave that carried you to the oval office. Now I see that was just rhetoric on your part.

Shame on you. Shame on all of you. You have confirmed everything myself, and many other progressives, feared. When it comes to changing America, you are no friend of ours. But rest assured, we already know the answer to this question: Can we achieve equality for all Americans? Yes, we can.

I hope you enjoy the spectacle from the sidelines.

Sad Songs Say So Much

2008-12-18T09:00:00.000-06:00

I love, love, LOVE sad songs. I don't know why they appeal to me so much but there's something about a particularly tortured song that just makes so... happy.

Here is a list of the top 100 most depressing Christmas songs. I'm glad to see that most of my favorites made the list, though they missed the Bright Eyes cover of "Blue Christmas." Check out the entire list and let me know if you have a super sad holiday song that didn't make the cut.

Shopping???

2008-12-17T13:47:00.004-06:00

It seems a certain Vanderbilt was spotted shopping for sweaters in the company of a fetching young french person. Here's the report from the New York Post's SIGHTINGS:

ANDERSON Cooper in black jeans and black leather jacket shopping for cashmere sweaters at Barneys Co-op with a young Frenchman.

Ca c'est interessant, non?

Just Asking...

2008-12-17T13:12:00.000-06:00

WHICH Olympic champion smoked pot for the first time recently at a Michigan hotel? The stoned athlete broke the TVs in his room, but later bought exact replicas so he could replace them before anybody at the hotel was the wiser . . . WHICH lifestyle diva used a hand model for close-up shots in her latest book? She deemed her own hands too wrinkled . . . WHICH still-sexy actress, who has a daughter now getting ingenue roles, is facing reality? She finally had her first face-lift last week.

Mama, Can You Hear Me?

2008-12-17T10:11:00.006-06:00

Joey B and I sat through a deliciously horrendous hour of television last night. A (so far) very watchable shitheap called "Mama's Boy" that premiered immediately following the finale of The Fattest People (aka The Biggest Loser).

The show, helmed by renowned Mama's boy (ahem, ahem) Ryan Seacrest, has a pretty basic premise. Three coddled (though adorable) Mama's boy are invited to mingle with 32 single women - of various ages, educations and ethnicities - in a Santa Barbara ocean side mansion. All in a quest to find love.

The catch is that their over-protective Mothers move in as well and, from the looks of the previews, run some pretty serious interference. In particular, the mother of the DELECTABLE hockey player, Jojo (Khalood Bojanowski, aka Mrs. B) ranted about how she doesn't want a Jewish girl, an Asian girl, a black girl or a big butt girl for here baby. You can count on this woman being vilified in the blogosphere for the remainder of the shows run. A leak, a few weeks ago, showed her freaking out when she saw (from a helicopter, mind you) her son kissing an African American woman. She actually threatened to crush her son's balls and then attempted to smash the windows due to her rage. She's pretty vile.

Joey B and I have decided that the Uber Jewish Mother, Esther (mother of Commercial Real Estate Salesman, Robert) , is totally our favorite but I've warned him that, while all smiles and giggles now, she may turn out to be a beast as the show progresses. Lorraine, mother to Michael (Fireman and EMT - he's the most "All American" looking) is the most personable but, when looking at the season previews, looks like she's hell bent on preventing her son from hooking up with a girl that she doesn't approve of.

I'm intrigued so far, though I did hide my head under a blanket during Mrs. B's racist rant, so there's a possibility that the "uncomfortability" factor may force me to stop watching. I have to admit I'm equally uneasy with how doting these mothers are (Mrs. B seems like she actually wants to jump her son's bones) and how willing these sons are to be coddled by them (though the most independent, my beloved Jojo, is the youngest contestant but also the only one who doesn't live at home). Boundaries, people. BOUNDARIES!

Thank God my mother is nothing like these women. And if yours is... my deepest sympathies.

Big Pimpin'

2008-12-16T13:37:00.003-06:00

Tis the season to be creative, and for one kid sister, that meant auctioning off dates with her older (and very adorable) twin brothers.

Because of her Muscular Dystrophy, she can't mow the lawn or babysit like other girls her age, so she got creative and busted out her candy (pimp) cane. See the whole story below.

(I apologize for the crappiness of the CNN video player)

Taking the Funny Too Far???

2008-12-15T11:39:00.003-06:00

This past Saturday, Joey B, his friend Michelle and I watched Saturday Night Live - one of my very favorite pass times - following a day of shopping and a lovely dinner at Pequod's with Jason Fab.

I have always been a fan of edgy humor, and have been known to toe the line on many occasions but when Fred Armisen appeared as NY Gov Patterson on Weekend Update, I actually gasped.

It is one thing to make fun of the Governor for his, very well publicized, over the top confessions (regarding his past cocaine use and extramarital affairs) on taking office, following the sex scandal that ended the political career of his predecessor, Gov Spitzer -but they went much further than that. Whether they intended to or not, much of their mockery centered on the impression that due to his disability (the Governor is blind) he is a bumbling idiot. Time and again they made fun of the fact that he couldn't see by having Armisen hold up signs upside down and wander into camera, following his official segment.

The reality is that only 37% of persons with disabilities in the country are employed and they earn, on average, far less than individuals without disabilities who have the same level of education. As of now, the producers for SNL have no comment, but I think I can anticipate their rationale. They would say that, by making fun of Gov Patterson, they are treating him as they would anyone else. I will admit, there is some truth in this. I am not offended by the fact that they mocked him, but by how they chose to mock him. This particular skit, at least for me, reflected a sad time (not too long ago) when being different was, in and of itself, considered funny. I'd have hoped we'd grown since then, but maybe I'm just naive. I'll ask Amos and Andy - they'll set me right, I reckon.

Take a look and let me know what you think:

Organ Failure

2008-12-12T16:13:00.003-06:00

This particular movie has been on my radar for some time. When I first read about it, I thought it would be awful, but, now that I've seen the latest trailer, I think it might be awful in a good way.

I have a deep and abiding love for B movies, and making a rock opera about a "repo-man" who reclaims your organs if you can't pay for them. It sounds like it may be wonderfully bad. I resisted Sin City up until some friends dragged me to see it, so it just goes to show - you can't judge a comic book movie by it's cover.

Best Viral Videos of 2008

2008-12-11T14:34:00.001-06:00

Wonda Sykes: Don't Hate, Eat Pork & Beans

2008-12-11T13:49:00.001-06:00

The ever adorable, and recently out (publicly), Wanda Sykes stops in at the Tonight show yesterday to discuss Prop 8 and "Day without a Gay".

Just Asking...

2008-12-11T10:34:00.000-06:00

WHICH actress who plays a teen on a hit TV show incorrectly insists she's a size zero? Employees at a clothing line have to remove all the bigger-size labels from garments they send her to her to keep her happily deluded . . . WHICH handsome TV host is thought by patrons of at least one gay bar to be in the closet? As the stud discusses dating women, they hoot and holler, and hurl insults at the screen.

Christmas Crumpet Cravings

2008-12-10T15:26:00.002-06:00

All of this talk about Christmas has gotten me all fired up. I have begun, in vain I know, to once again scour the city of Chicago in my vain attempt to find one grocery store, bakery or even tea room, that sell crumpets.

I have loved crumpets my entire life. They are my absolute favorite thing to have for breakfast on a cold winter's day, or even as a nice snack in the evenings. In the Motherland (aka Canada) they are readily available in any grocery store (at least in English speaking Canada - finding them in Quebec is more of a challenge).

It is driving me crazy, to the point where I just sent a pleading email to the family begging them to ship me a few packages ASAP. If I didn't know better, I would swear I was pregnant!

UPDATE: Crisis averted, my friend and colleague Kerri just informed me that they have crumpets at Trader Joe's. It's a good day!

All I Want for Christmas...

2008-12-10T12:18:00.004-06:00

As I get older, I become increasingly immune to all holidays, but the December holidays most of all. I no longer get excited at the prospect of my brother Ian's surprisingly delicious chicken-free matzo ball soup (prepared for the first night of Hanukkah) nor the wonderful stockings full of treats and (always) a single Chinese orange that greet me every Christmas morning. I don't want to sound like a Grinch, I enjoy them, but I just don't seem capable of recapturing the magic of the season that I enjoyed as a child.

My parents were always able to create the most incredible Christmases for us. Our father, especially, would ply us with gifts presented by Issac (more on him later) as well as the characters he created to entertain us on our frequent boat trips and visits to the cottage (like the Hay Monster). This particular traight was definitely inherited by me, whose own sense of humor runs to giving friends, "Congratulations on your First Communion" cards on their birthdays.

Now, Issac is a tricky one. He is a beloved member of the family who just happens to be a monkey puppet. He has hosted every childhood Christmas I can recall. As a morning MC he is replete with funny comments and all around good cheer - the only drawback is that, due to shyness, he will only whisper into my father's ear, leaving us to enjoy his bon mots second-hand.

When Drew, Ian and myself were young, my father would employ us to help him wrap our mothers gifts in "disguises" in order to prevent her from guessing what they really were. A particularly memorable wrapping job, for our first Christmas at Spirit Rock, looked exactly like a living Christmas tree, enbalmed in brightly colored paper, (though for the life of me I can't remember what was actually inside).

This year, we are lucky enough to have Ian home from the UK for the holidays although Andrew and his wife will not be making an appearance. Drew, due to travel restrictions imposed on service members prior to shipping out to Afghanistan, will be celebrating Christmas at home in Alberta.

I sometimes wonder if we will ever, again, have a Christmas like the ones of my youth - with the whole family gathered happily under one roof. I guess it goes without saying what I'm wishing for.

A Day without a Gay, USA

2008-12-09T15:02:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow is national Day without a Gay, a protest designed to illustrate to the population at large the many contributions made to this country by the LGBT community. All folks of the gay persuasion are being asked to call in sick (if possible) and not contribute to the economy in any way. There are also rallies scheduled all across the US, including one at Chicago City Hall tomorrow morning at 11am, encouraging the state to support equal marriage for all Illinois residents.

Sadly, I will not be able to take the day off but I have (fingers crossed) cleared my schedule in order to attend the rally tomorrow morning with Joey B. Please do what you can, equality is not a privilege.

For more information click here.

There Goes The Neighborhood!

2008-12-09T11:18:00.004-06:00

I have often prided myself, since moving into the Ravenswood Manor neighborhood of Chicago, that I live right down the street from the Governor. Following today's arrest, I can assure you that I will never mention it again.

It is so depressing, in a year when Chicago has been thrust onto the global stage, thanks to Obama's historic Presidential win, to have to suffer the black eye of business as usual Chicago politics. Notoriously, Chicago is a city of back door deals and there are many, many examples throughout the city's history of politicians (on both sides of the aisle) whose greed have been their downfall.

I hope now, finally, we can begin to create a new kind of politics in Chicago. It is time to remind all of our representatives that they are public servants - especially those who operate as influence peddlers and palm greasers. Now is the time to shed the corruption of the past and build a bridge to the future. The world is watching.

Out of The Hills, and into The City

2008-12-04T15:55:00.002-06:00

Here is the latest trailer for the Whitney Port vehicle, "The City".

Joey B and I discussed, last week, the fact that they seem to be making Whitney seem much "dumber", in terms of her choices, than she was in The Hills. I guess that's part of helming your own semi-scripted show on MTV. Good luck, Whitney. You couldn't pay me enough to hang out with Olivia Palermo. Yawn, yawn, yawn.

The City - MTV Shows

SAVE THIS SHOW!

2008-12-04T12:55:00.003-06:00

I was torn, last season, between Cashmere Mafia and Lipstick Jungle. With my divided loyalty of Candace Bushnell and Michael Patrick King, I didn't know who I wanted to succeed. Cashmere had quite possibly my favorite character last season - Juliet Draper (as played stupendously by Miranda Otto) but the rest of the show fell flat (and the clothes kind of sucked). Jungle, on the other hand, had a better cast overall and I fell in love with all three protagonists (it took me a while to get past the late 90210 taint attached to Lindsay Price, but I got there). Ultimately, their trials and tribulations were much more titillating. I didn't shed a tear when Cashmere got stained, shrunk and destroyed.

I had been looking forward to Lipstick's return when suddenly I read, in The Times, that the show had been canceled. I, honestly, had no idea that it was even back on the air. When I looked into it, it turns out that the network had done NOTHING to promote the new season and had also bounced the show all over the schedule. I was not happy.

But soon, a reprieve. Myself, like many other fans, upon hearing of the show's demise (and thereby learning that it was back on) flocked to NBC.com and watched the season's episodes so far and set the TiVo to record the upcoming episode, thus creating an impressive bump in the ratings measured outside of the standard Neilson.

Now Lipstick Jungle has a chance to carry on. While the network hasn't ordered any new episodes, they are watching to see how the remaining original 16 do in the ratings. If you're already a fan, I encourage you to try and recruit some friends to tune in and, if you're not already into the show, please check it out. Let's make sure the network knows they have a little something special on their teeth.

Prop 8: The Musical

2008-12-04T12:46:00.000-06:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Anonymous Quotes III

2008-12-03T16:45:00.001-06:00

God, what is that guys name? It's like one of the Winnie the Pooh characters but it starts with an "L"... Liglet? No wait, Lior!

Ian's CRA-ZA-ZY Hair

2008-12-03T09:45:00.004-06:00

Ian has gone on some sort of hair strike - out of boredom or general ennui, I'm not really sure. Either way, this is what his hair looks like, currently.

He informs me that he just isn't sure what to do with it so he's just letting it go. As a result, I am soliciting anyone and EVERYONE to please send me suggestions on what you think Ian should do with his 'do. Hurry... a coif is a terrible thing to waste.

Wish I'd thought of it...

2008-12-02T10:46:00.004-06:00

I was excited, and a little disappointed when I saw a headline proclaiming, "The Lamest Blogs on the Web". I was excited because, of course, I wanted to know who had gotten called out but then disappointed to discover that the writer of this article lacks a sense of humor, irony and satire (despite acknowledging within the article that he "recognizes" that "world's lamest blog" is supposed to be satirical - he still criticizes its content).

He also get's all grammar nazi on Rosie O'Donnell. I think this dude, who is writing for PC world, needs to spend a little more time with a Mac.

Anyway, he does manage to score a couple of funny points - take that, Kim Kardashian. In my opinion (and in my ongoing quest to set off a web war) I think the lamest blog on the planet is written by a once-fat former meth addicted Florida bitch who has a penchant for posting his P33N pics on gay cruise sites and outing people... Let's call him Smerez Smilton.

What blogs do you think are lame - this one is already a given. Comment below. Happy Tuesday, Kids.

Disco is all the Rage

2008-12-02T10:18:00.004-06:00

As I do every year, I spent my birthday weekend in Buffalo NY, attending the World's Largest Disco. This year, despite a huge rise in ticket cost (it's for charity, what are you gonna do?) the event was still sold out by the first week in September.

The best part of this year's disco, is that they shifted the event hours form 8-12 to 9-1. This allowed us additional time to get ready, and take a billion pictures in the hotel before we took the shuttle to the convention center. Ianovich, though he flew in from the UK to attend, was suffering from Jet Lag and slept through the entire event.

This year sold out faster than it ever has before and, as a result, I was left without tickets for myself and Joey B. Thankfully, the fabulous Natalie Ventresca had an extra for me but I had to buy Joey B's ticket on stubhub.com - for twice the face value. The kicker is that I forgot the ticket in Chicago so I MAY have had to trade a certain amount of money PERHAPS in exchange for another ticket the day of the event with a man who could POSSIBLY be considered a scalper. If I had done such a thing, I may have felt doubly stupid because the man might have charged me only half of what the aforementioned website charged.

The night was, as always, incredibly fun and the fast bar service and additional washrooms just added to the really positive vibe. This year's guests were four of the Brady children; Greg, Peter, Bobby and Cindy, respectively. They taught everyone how to do a dance from their variety show days. There was also a group of Village People who led everyone from the stage when they played YMCA - the cowboy was DREAMY.

The only (mild) downer for me was around midnight, they showed a slide show presentation showing the children of who attend Camp Good Days (the chosen cancer charity for this year's event) set to a very sad song. Suddenly, all these people around us were crying.

My friend Anne, whose personal pet peeve, is people who dress from the wrong era at themed events, ranted every time she saw a girl in gogo boots. As a result of these hilarious tirades, I offered Anne a chance to guest blog and very soon you will all learn the error of your ways - not that any Rage Reader would ever dress inappropriately!

Due to the crazy snow storm yesterday here in Chicago, I have not been able to upload my photos from the event, but here are some shots by Chris Brown. I Hope everyone had an amazing Thanksgiving weekend.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-25T16:54:00.003-06:00

I'm taking a little break from the blog at the end of the week as I fly to Buffalo for the World's largest Disco. In anticipation, here's a little Thanksgiving cheer from the New Yorker. Enjoy!

The Turkey Wish

After Thanksgiving dinner when I was a kid, my dad would make me pull the wishbone apart with him to see who would win the “Turkey Wish.” I always thought it was kind of stupid, but my dad took this tradition really seriously. Here’s how it went:

1988: I win. I wish for a pony. Dad says I can’t wish for that because it’s too expensive. I wish for a dog instead.

1989: I win again. Dad yells a word I’ve only heard in R-rated movies and then hits his hand down on the table, hard. I wish for a Nintendo.

1990: Dad wins. He is really happy. He kisses my mom on the mouth and yells “Now who’s the loser?”

1991: I win. Dad locks himself in the bathroom. There’s a loud crashing sound like a pane of glass shattering. I wish for us never to play Turkey Wish again.

1992: Dad says my previous wish doesn’t count and makes me play. He wins. He wishes for a new son who isn’t “such a failure at everything he sets his hand to.”

1993: I win. Dad moves to Wisconsin.

1994: Thanksgiving morning, 5 A.M. The phone rings. It is my dad pretending to be an old lady. It is a bad impression. He asks if any one remembers the tradition of the Turkey Wish. I can hear him sobbing softly in the background. He makes up some excuse about needing to go put on his “old lady dress” and hangs up. The next week I receive an envelope in the mail with twenty broken wish bones soaked in tears.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Anonymous Quotes II

2008-11-25T16:13:00.002-06:00

Having to talk to your 96 year old great-grandmother is a lot like talking to a junkie who's just shot up. There's lots of mumbling and nodding off.

What the Hills is Going on???

2008-11-25T12:05:00.002-06:00

Last night's episode of The Hills was like a bad high school flashback. Audrina heard a random rumor from a nebulous character named "Dino" and proceeded to alienate her best friend and her boyfriend as she spun out of control. I have had to experience the same sort of situations repeatedly in the past, and watched it with a mixture of horror and hilarity. Of course, I was 16 at the time.

What is it about the ladies of the Hills that have landed them in some sort of prolonged adolescence? The saddest part is that, despite the many, MANY, protestations from both of the accused that they had not, as the rumor insisted, "Hooked up" Audrina just kept asking over and over again. It was like she wanted to believe the worst about them. The confrontation culminated in Lauren telling Audrina that she was worse than Heidi, because she had made this mess all on her own. Ouch!

The previews from next week's episode show an unapologetic Audrina looking surprised that her sister thinks she should tell Lauren she's sorry. Let's hope that the Britney Spears crazy room is still decorated and operational - looks like it may be needed soon.

Hold on to your Hills

2008-11-24T12:04:00.004-06:00

The preview for tonight's episode of the Hills looks CRAZY. It all starts when a rumor on the internet claims that Lauren has "hooked up" with Audrina's boyfriend Justin Bobby. The intro clip (see below) has a series of serious confrontations and a lot of tears. Lauren actually tells Audrina that she's worse than Heidi. Madness.

Needless to say, you all know what I'll be doing tonight. A full run-down tomorrow, I promise.